Manchester City have decided that the farce of Swansea City being allowed to have a good player has gone on long enough and will put a stop to this wanton tomfoolery, which will only result in the end of the world as we know it if it is allowed to continue, by signing Wilfried Bony for £30m. Swansea have had their fun and we’ve all had a great laugh but enough is enough. Let’s just hope they haven’t developed any ideas above their station.
Steven Gerrard, it says here, has jetted off to Los Angeles with a view to sealing his move to LA Galaxy from Liverpool. Maybe, or perhaps he’s going to try his luck in Hollywood. He’s always seemed the artistic type, after all, and he does have a good sense of drama. Laugh all you want but the Mill’s money is on Gerrard having a walk-on part in the next Transformers movie. Liverpool, meanwhile, are moving on and have stolen a march on Internazionale in the race to sign Bayern Munich’s Xherdan Shaqiri, theirs for £10m.
This morning, Arsène Wenger looked at his squad and saw that he had only three centre-backs. Then he looked over at West Ham and saw that Winston Reid could be available for £3m. Then he looked back at his three defenders. Then he looked back at Reid. Then back at his defenders. Then back at Reid. Should he? Shouldn’t he? Would £3m on a centre-back be an extravagance? Or should he save his money, stick with what he has and pray that Laurent Koscielny’s Achilles doesn’t fall off? Ooohhhh, he just can’t make up his mind. It’s a conundrum! What to do, what to do? Maybe just sign a creative midfielder instead and hope for the best.
West Ham will console themselves about losing Reid by signing the Atlético Madrid midfielder, Mario Suárez, while Leicester City are closing in on the Croatia striker, Andrej Kramaric.
Chelsea won’t be impressed by that, or by news that Roma want Petr Cech. But at least they’ve identified a replacement for Didier Drogba: Internazionale’s Mauro Icardi.
West Bromwich Albion have offered Saido Berahino to Tottenham Hotspur. Great news! But there’s a catch. West Brom, the cheeky buggers, want Aaron Lennon and Andros Townsend in return. It promises to be an emotional few weeks at White Hart Lane, what with Besiktas targeting Younès Kaboul as well.
Real Madrid are going to sign Norwegian wonderkid Martin Odegaard. Good for them.
