When all civilisations are annihilated – some time in October, according to Rumour Mill sources – transfer news will survive. Verily, from the rubble, intrepid transfer hacks will rebuild. A couple of words are all that are required for a good football scribe to weave the most intricate tapestry; where others see an anodyne quote, a sports reporter sees vast cities of intrigue. Today, the day after the closure of the transfer window for all European clubs, is Armageddon for hacks: but do you think they are silenced? Never!
In response to intensive probing over the weekend, Jadon Sancho admitted that he “wouldn’t mind” playing in the Premier League or La Liga some day. And from that basic revelation scribes across the continent have today created stories linking the Borussia Dortmund and England winger to Manchester United, Real Madrid, Barcelona, Liverpool, Chelsea and anyone else you fancy: he’s “refused to rule out” anything at all and “left the door open” to everyone, the brazen flirt!
Hold on, did the pacy winger deny he would run for prime minister? No, he didn’t – that’s a blatant come-and-get-me plea to voters! Has he explicitly said he would not participate in an expedition to Mars? No, he conspicuously hasn’t – yikes, is nowhere safe from this planet-devouring monster?!
Meanwhile over in Catalonia, it’s business as usual, as the non-transfer of Neymar from Paris Saint-Germain to Barcelona has enabled the press to publish a Neymar-from-PSG-to-Barcelona story for a world record 666th day in a row. All they’ve done is change the date from September to January. The only way to stop this is to ignore it, and where’s the fun in that? Indeed, Premier League clubs have grown so bored at not being actively involved in transfer tittle-tattle in recent weeks that there are reports today that they are rethinking their window closing times: word is they are planning to change their transfer deadlines to align with European clubs from next season onwards. That could mean that Manchester United could have extra time next summer to miss out on the Benfica defender Rúben Dias and midfielder Florentino Luís.
Want to know what the Daily Mail think? Come on, be polite. They say that United States women’s football chiefs are eyeing up Phil Neville to replace the World Cup-winning head coach Jill Ellis when she leaves. Apparently they really like the cut of Neville’s jib and the way he guided England from a third-placed finish in 2015 to fourth place in 2019. But whatever you do, don’t tell Neville that US officials have been checking him out: because if he cries foul at them doing basic research on hotels, like he did during the World Cup, then he’ll blow his top at suggestions that they scope out humans, too.
