Mars, Jupiter and Venus are all visible in the sky over Britain this week and if you look very closely a little before sunrise each morning, you might just see José Mourinho waving his fist at them and accusing them of sabotaging Chelsea.
Consider the lilies … yes, Jose’s probably having a go at the flowers now, too. But don’t fret, Chelsea fans, because André Villas-Boas is on his way back to Stamford Bridge! Don’t break out the Welcome Back banners just yet, because word is that Villas-Boas does not plan to emulate Mourinho and make a second coming as manager. Rather, he is said to be interested in signing Radamel Falcao for Zenit St Petersburg, having spotted something in the Colombia striker’s bench manner to suggest he can still score goals.
Mourinho’s representatives, meanwhile, are said by The Independent to have sounded out Internazionale and Paris Saint-Germain about employing their client in the event of Chelsea needing a break from him. If Mourinho does end up at PSG, he might just find himself managing Dele Alli – because Tottenham’s midfielder has emerged as a target for the serial French champions, who are confident that if they fork up enough money the 19-year-old could be theirs quicker than you could say “Alli les Bleus”.
Spurs, meanwhile, are considering letting Andros Townsend go to part-fund a move for Crystal Palace enigma Yannick Bolasie. Everton like the look of Bury’s 17-year-old centre-half Matty Foulds but, of course, they will not try to sign him because they believe it is high time bigger clubs stopped going around trying to bully smaller ones into selling their best players.
Back in France, Nicolas N’koulou doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going. The Cameroonian centre-back had the notion that he might be hired by Chelsea upon the expiry of his contract with Marseille next summer but since nobody appears to know what’s going on at Stamford Bridge, he’s ready to listen louder for other offers. Arsenal have been mentioned, but Nkoulou’s uncharacteristically poor recent performances in Ligue 1 do not improve, he’ll have a job convincing anyone to give him another job.
Marseille are also vying with Swansea City for the former Manchester City striker Alvaro Negredo. There is no truth whatsoever in suggestions that Louis Van Gaal has formed a mob to follow Víctor Valdés around everywhere he goes, pointing and laughing and making unpleasant comments about the Spaniards’ ability and personal grooming. But it true that Valdes is thinking of leaving Old Trafford in search of a more loving environment, and the 33-year-old’s agent says his preference is to stay in the Premier League, where a man can earn fortunes just for chatting to his mates in the crowd.
