José Mourinho, you might have heard, is not exactly enamoured by the form of his centre-forward Diego Costa and is up for getting his hands on a goalgetter who – if nothing else – knows when to keep his bib to himself.
Thomas Müller’s warm-up techniques are probably pretty sound – he’s a hale, hearty, fit and healthy Bavarian – and Mourinho wants Chelsea to beat Manchester United to the signing of a player who already has 20 goals to his name this season yet, inexplicably, seems to be constantly linked with those much worse off than him.
While we’re here, one striker Chelsea can forget about is Jamie Vardy, who might just start breaking meaningful records if he keeps his remarkable goalscoring run up. He’s intent on staying put at Leicester despite interest from Stamford Bridge and, again, Old Trafford.
You might also have heard that Arsène Wenger has a rapidly dwindling number of players to feel unenamoured by. Next up on the Emirates Stadium treatment table’s wishlist is Porto’s exciting defensive midfielder, Rúben Neves, who could roll up for £22m in January. A sensible move to fill the void left by Francis Coquelin’s injury with a battle-hardened pro who can teach a lesson or two, right? No, this is Arsenal. Neves is 18.
Someone might be leaving north London, in the meantime. Andros Townsend is yet to climb fully off Mauricio Pochettino’s naughty step and, let’s face it, Tottenham are not doing too badly without him. Townsend was obliged to play for their under-21s in a 2-1 win at Middlesbrough on Monday, which should be something straightforward for any player in need of match practice but nowadays seems to be framed as the ultimate humiliation. Chin up, Andros, you can take your pick of Swansea, Leicester, West Brom or – wait for it, because it’s a good one – Aston Villa and Newcastle in a month’s time!
From one winger to another – Southampton fancy upsetting the best-laid plans of their Championship neighbours, Brighton, who are unbeaten so far this season. They have their eyes trained on the winger Solly March, a fresh-faced 21-year-old, although they are said to have competition from elsewhere in the top flight.
The spirit of local goodwill isn’t exactly running deep elsewhere. Libor Kozak does not appear to be rated too highly at Aston Villa but Rémi Garde still won’t deal in the currency of a loan move away. Especially if that move is to their nearest and dearest, Birmingham City, who would like to use him in their ailing bid to stay in the Championship play-off mix but have been rebutted so far.
Stoke lost one first-choice goalkeeper in the summer and are battling to hold onto another. Jack Butland has been in fine form so far this season and Manchester United, Liverpool and Everton are making eyes, but their chairman Peter Coates says that selling the England international is “not on our agenda”.
What do West Ham need? A striker, that’s what, especially with Enner Valencia, Dimitri Payet and now Diafra Sakho laid low. They will look to bring one in pronto when the window re-opens and among the contenders is the Ivorian striker Gobi Bi Cyriac, who is currently banging them in for Belgian club Oostende.
