The Mill has never been to Cheltenham. There, we’ve said it. That’s not to say we haven’t been to the races – this Sisyphean existence of tittle-tattle propagation shows you how well that financial venture worked out – but the Cotswolds, lovely as they may be, lie far outside our experiential range. So, being a kind soul beneath it all, we feel at one with Radamel Falcao, who did not join Daley Blind, Ashley Young, Jonny Evans and Phil Jones in cheering on the horses yesterday and therefore provided further evidence that he’s … you’re going to like this … not at the races! The guy’s lost it. Gone. Finished. If proof were needed, this is the proof.
In Falcao’s defence, he has already been to Yeovil, Cambridge and Preston this season so his knowledge of the provinces looks laudably sound for a Colombian who only moved to the country in September. But, as we all know, when footballers are not touring the regions they are locked in tense, nerve-racking talks in windowless, halogen-lighted rooms, concerning themselves with the future. And Falcao, so multiple stories would have it, has accepted after much brow-furrowing that his own destiny lies away from Old Trafford and knows that – having been selected for their Under-21 side on Tuesday night – he has no long-term future at Manchester United. And boy, with that empty padded seat in Gloucestershire sticking out like a sore thumb, doesn’t he know how to show it. Of most concern, surely, is the fact that those queuing up to make hilarious, wry, self-fulfilling comments about the form and apparent decline of a striker who has recovered from a serious injury, been pitched into the world’s most demanding league and asked to perform for a side going through the most tortuous of revamps, only have a couple of months left to do so. Knock yourselves out.
Falcao apparently believes that he joined the wrong club. What about Theo Walcott? Is Theo at the right club? That’s probably a question for Theo, and it’s one that he is said to be asking himself. Should he sign a new, lucrative long-term contract to add to the new, lucrative long-term contract he penned in 2013? Arsenal think so, but the forward – whose own season has not really got off the ground after a long-term lay-off – is mulling over his options.
Arsenal have plenty of options themselves. They have a War Chest, and they don’t care who knows it: £50m will be splurged on strengthening the spine of the team this summer and the likes of Petr Cech, Neven Subotic and Morgan Schneiderlin would empty that trunk neatly enough. All of which could have consequences for the future of Per Mertesacker, who may have admirers of his own.
Paris Saint-Germain are attracting plenty of fluttery glances this morning. They have arrived on the big stage, as it goes, and there to meet them will be Dani Alves. The Brazilian is out of contract at Barcelona in the summer and seems likely to sign a three-year contract, disappointing a reasonable chunk of the Premier League.
No such luck for Charlie Austin, whose 15 top-flight goals this season will secure him a place among the big boys next season whether or not QPR are relegated but will have to make do with Southampton or Crystal Palace. Then again, Austin showed how much better he is than Falcao by showing up at Cheltenham, which perhaps also means that he is willing to sign the £50,000-a-week contact being drafted for him in Loftus Road’s corridors of power.
Perhaps Austin would be a good fit for Spurs, but with Harry Kane well on his way to winning every Nobel Prize going it’s hard to see the need for another striker. Or another person. But apparently they’d like reinforcements anyway, and Italian sharpshooter Simone Zaza apparently sits on top of their wish list. He plays for Serie A success story Sassuolo, but could yet end up back at former club Juventus.
Zaza wasn’t at the races yesterday, so it’s fair to say he’s off. Which is a handy enough get-out clause for the Mill, too; that’ll be all from us for today, so look after yourselves.
