It seems that Ángel Di María might be defective. Turns out he was not born with the Getting It Gene, which must be why he has asked his agent, that Jorge Mendes chap, to find him an exit route from Manchester United. It is the only explanation. How can you not get United? How can you not instantly fall hopelessly in love with the Red Devils as soon as you walk through the door? Weirdo.
At least that’s where the bad news ends for United, who are planning to raid Paris Saint-Germain for Edinson Cavani. Although they’ll have to battle Arsenal for the Uruguayan forward’s signature, which shouldn’t be too hard. Arsenal will almost have the signing wrapped up, only to fail to produce a pen at the very last minute, allowing United to swoop. Arsenal will console themselves by luring Southampton’s Sadio Mané to north London, on the assumption that contract rebel Theo Walcott is going to do one. Southampton will console themselves by signing Real Madrid’s YouTube sensation, Martin Odegaard, on loan.
But Arsenal aren’t finished there! They’re also after Internazionale’s Croatian midfielder, Mateo Kovacic. Can he do things like winning the ball? Hopefully! The Mill doesn’t want to be writing the same old things about Arsenal’s failings next year, you know!
Liverpool catastrophe Glen Johnson fancies a move to Italy, home of defending, and is making eyes at Roma.
Manchester City want Kevin De Bruyne and have told Wolfsburg as much. That’s set the German side off and they’ve told Everton they want Romelu Lukaku, while Everton have told Arouna Koné that next season is going to be a big one for him.
