Who remembers the 1976 sci-fi film Logan’s Run? Ah, OK. Well, here goes anyway: it was a film set in the protected confines of a domed city in 2274, where young people enjoy an idyllic, hedonistic lifestyle. So far, so good. These people were at the peak of their powers until they hit 30. But instead of just having a big old party and embarrassing themselves, they were dressed in dodgy-looking white gowns and whisked off to a room with a spinning wheel where they were told they would be reincarnated into another amazing, hip, young life-cycle. But, of course, it was all a totalitarian ruse and it turns out they just got incinerated like flies in a fish-and-chip-shop zapper by a big glowing orb – let’s call it the ‘death light’ – to keep the population, young, vibrant and free of annoying, questioning middle-age types – a bit like modern-day east London. But anyway, the reason for this tortuous intro is to say that this film always struck a chord with The Mill when it came to football. For as long as The Mill has been circulating idle gossip it can’t remember a time when a footballer hasn’t started to approach the ‘death light’ once they hit 30. Until now.
Cristiano Ronaldo, 30, and in the world of Logan’s Run very much ‘death light’ zappable, is on the verge of a £100m move to PSG, apparently, where he’ll presumably be reincarnated into Cristiano Mark II and live out a second hip, young, glamorous life-cycle as a footballer in Ligue 1. £100m for a 30 year-old? If there’s one man who would make it his life’s ambition to find the elixir of life so that he could have ripped abs and muscular legs that can do lots of goals for the rest of his years, one imagines it would be him, or Him, as he’s known round these parts. So, yeah, we’re having that one. It may well happen.
Anyway, moving on to another player who wouldn’t be here if the year was 2274 and he lived in a fictitious world created by director Michael Anderson, it’s Stefan Kiessling, the 31-year-old Bayer Leverkusen striker whom Jürgen Klopp wants to bring to Liverpool so that he can give him regular man-hugs and possibly tease some steady form out of Roberto Firmino, who he played alongside last season.
Klopp is also casting admiring glances towards the tricky 18-year-old FC Nordsjaelland forward Emre Mor. But so is Louis van Gaal – and the pair may have to go mano a mano like Alan Bates and Oliver Reed in Women in Love for the signature of the young Dane. The Mill can’t remember who won that particular battle but would back Manchester United here, if only because it means we can bold up the club’s name and stick to the Rumour Mill style guide.
Still on the subject of Klopp, David Wagner, the Liverpool manager’s former assistant at Borussia Dortmund, has apparently turned down the chance of a gig at Liverpool in favour of succeeding Chris Powell as Huddersfield Town manager. And before any Liverpool fans get snippy, remember, they were good enough for Bill Shankly.
Andrea Pirlo is not taking his aesthetic beauty to Manchester City on loan from New York City this winter but there may be a chance of him popping up in Internazionale’s midfield and dissecting the San Siro centre-circle with his huge football brain.
Gent’s relative success in the Champions League hasn’t gone unnoticed at Tottenham Hotspur. Spurs scouts have attached monitoring devices to the Belgian club’s forwards Laurent Depoitre and Moses Simon in the hope that they can perhaps bring them in on a Bogof-deal if Harry Kane falls apart sometime in January.
And Monaco may not be knocking on the front door at Stamford Bridge to lure José Mourinho down to the Mediterranean but they do fancy snaffling 19-year-old midfielder Charly Musonda for £8m and giving him regular games at the The Stade Louis II Stadium. Apparently, Arsenal want him too, though.
