Fizzle, crackle, crackle, fizzle, crackle, crackle … Whizz! Bang! There’s only one way to celebrate Happy New Transfer Window Day* reader … and that’s by strapping a Jim White effigy to a rocket and sending him hurtling deep into January 2015. Boom! The Rumour Mill’s had a few you see. But, don’t mess with fireworks kids. Or booze. Or Jim White. It won’t end well.
Speaking of things not ending well, Arsenal are in for Suárez again. Only this time it is Atlético Madrid’s Mario Suárez. A defensive midfielder. Yes, really. And the money on the table is not going to be £40m+£1. No, he’ll be much, much cheaper. Because he’s just OK. He’ll do a job. That’s it.
Arsène Wenger will have space in his squad for an average player if Lukas Podolski manages to jump the moat full of crocodiles surrounding the Emirates and shuffle off to Internazionale.
Oh, and it says here that Yaya Sanogo is going to Aston Villa. How’s that hangover feel now Villa fans? Ouch.
Harry Redknapp is sniffing around for a striker. Harry Redknapp has been sniffing around for a striker since 1983. The QPR manager is not sniffing around for Peter Crouch though. No, the man doing that is Tony Pulis. Who else? Expect a couple of million quid to cover the costs of transporting Target Man down the M6 from Stoke to West Brom.
Brendan Rodgers has ruled out making any more signings in January. Well, Roma’s Radja Nainggolan and Bayern Munich’s Xerdan Shaqiri have made the decision for him after telling Liverpool to do one. And no, Divock Origi doesn’t count. They already own him.
Meanwhile, Mario Balotelli is off to Napoli if you believe some words written in an Italian newspaper. And MLS suits have got all hot and bothered after Rodgers said he wouldn’t stand in the way of Steven Gerrard if he wanted to say ta-ra to Anfield. The suit that is most hot and bothered is the New York Red Bulls one. That suit’s got a Thierry Henry-shaped hole to fill and Gerrard is just about the size and weight to fill it.
Little light on rumours this morning eh? Hmmm. It’s not like much is happening. Bang!
What was that you ask? That was the sound of Thorgan Hazard being shot out of an airbomb to Borussia Mönchengladbach from Chelsea in a deal worth £6.3m. Yes, £6.3m. Despite never having done a tap for Chelsea. That’s branding for you. Happy New Year.
*OK, so it actually opens on 3 January but let’s not split hairs. It’s a new year.
