As we know, Dr Frankenstein has nothing on José Mourinho, who has already told us this season, when talking about Luke Shaw, that he is capable of grafting his own brain on to a powerful full-back’s body. That may, or may not, prove an especially necessary skill if today’s L’Equipe turns out to be accurate and Manchester United really are poised to relieve Paris Saint-Germain of the freewheeling right-back Serge Aurier.
It is certainly easy to see why Mourinho might appreciate Aurier: the 25-year-old is a ferocious competitor, rampages up and down the wing and has a gift for shooting his mouth off in irritating fashion – usually, alas, while aiming at his own foot.
There was, for instance, the time Aurier managed to get himself banned by Uefa for insulting a referee during a match in which he wasn’t even playing, or the time he managed to get himself banned by his club while relaxing at home and nonchalantly gobbing off about his team-mates and manager online, or the time, just last year, that he landed himself a suspended prison sentence for using the tip of his elbow to help demonstrate a point to a policeman outside a Paris nightclub, a ruling against which he has appealed. United are said to be lining up a bid of around £25m for Aurier. Something tells the Mill that PSG may be willing to sell.
Mourinho is also reported to be lining up a bid for Burnley’s Michael Keane, while offering a new contract to Ander Herrera in recognition of a job well done on that infuriatingly mild-mannered Eden Hazard.
Chelsea, meanwhile, are preparing to welcome Álvaro Morata to Stamford Bridge so that Diego Costa can be put out of his misery. But who will be the manager doing the welcoming? Not Antonio Conte if Internazionale have their way, because they want the Italian to come home and manage them. If Conte spurns Inter’s advances, the club will turn their attention to Diego Simeone.
Liverpool are willing to pay £20m for Joe Hart, according to a paper with a dire record of reporting accurately on goings-on involving Liverpool. There is no sign of a rapprochement between Jürgen Klopp and Mamadou Sakho, who is closer to a move to Roma. The Italian club also want Jesús Navas.
PSG are about to make a formal offer for Alexis Sánchez. If he leaves, the striker will leave a big hole that whoever is in charge of Arsenal next season will have to fill. But who will be in charge of Arsenal next season? That’s a silly question, why can’t you just focus on what’s important?
Poppycock! That, but in Turkish, is what Galatasaray have said to rumours that their winger Bruma has agreed to join Tottenham Hotspur.
Finally, Swansea and West Ham are preparing to fight over John Terry, who is standing by ready to pose in full kit with the winner, as usual.
