Tottenham Hotspur hope to wrap up the signing of the Lyon forward, Clinton N’Jie, before the weekend and also want West Bromwich Albion’s Saido Berahino, but everyone knows that they are going to end up with Andy Booth and Grzegorz Rasiak up front once the transfer window closes.
Morgan Amalfitano is a target for St Etienne after the West Ham midfielder fell out with Slaven Bilic. But everyone knows that just means he’ll be West Ham’s captain by the end of the season.
Sunderland hope to sign Tottenham’s Mousa Dembélé, but everyone knows they’re accidentally going to sign Fulham’s Moussa Dembélé instead.
Mathieu Flamini has been told he can leave Arsenal, but everyone knows that just means he’ll be starting for them in a big Champions League match come February.
Roma want Liverpool’s Mamadou Sakho, but everyone knows that he is the best defender in the world and must never ever be criticised.
Once Manchester City have signed Kevin De Bruyne, they fancy pipping Manchester United to Valencia’s Nicolás Otamendi, but everyone knows that this one makes perfect sense.
And finally, Joey Barton is attracting interest from Marseille and two Premier League clubs, but everyone knows that the only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
