Arsène Wenger, eh? What a sly old fox. You thought he’d be spending the summer relaxing, chewing over the season just gone, constantly picking up his phone to see if Jamie Vardy had called back, constantly picking up his phone to ignore calls from Greg Dyke, doing some punditry back in his homeland where he’d speak French which shouldn’t sound weird because obviously he is French but absolutely does sound weird for some reason.
But no! The grass does not grow ‘neath this feet. He’s combining that punditry work for some of the ace transfer snaffling he’s so good at and so fond of – specifically, so the word on the street has it, Wenger has used some of his time in France to have a quick word in the shell-like of Alexandre Lacazette’s Mr 15%, with a view to liberating the striker from his Lyon-shaped prison. Apparently it’ll cost something in the region of €40m to do this, which is obviously a lot more in sterling than it was a few weeks ago thanks to that slippery bunch of f[snip! Guardian political bias dept], but Wenger is prepared to do it after getting the knock-back from Vardy. He’s just checked his phone again. Still nothing.
Other theories to solve Arsenal’s problems up top include Álvaro Morata, but Wenger will have to a) knock Real Madrid’s asking price of £57m down a penny or two and b) have to deal with competition with basically every other club in Europe with a few sheets in their back pockets. There’s still some lingering talk that Romelu Lukaku could be his man, but again the asking price could be an issue there.
And then there’s José Mourinho. You’ll no doubt have spotted that the old boy is back, back, back, and hasn’t changed a single bit. Amid all the noise about which youngsters he’s personally nourished and raised from the nest and which other Premier League managers he still hates, Mourinho let slip that he’s looking for four signings at Manchester United – Eric Bailly and Zlatan Ibrahimovic are in the bag, Henrikh Mkhitaryan seems to be another close to happening, but who’s the fourth? There seem to be two competing theories: one is that it’s Paul Pogba, the great ‘one that got away’ for United fans but who’ll cost the prettiest of pennies with plenty of other clubs keen as well, while the other states Pogba’s compatriot Blaise Matuidi is the man, and that the PSG midfielder has already travelled to Manchester for a once-over with their medical people. Going in the other direction could well be Bastian Schweinsteiger, the once barreling winger turned barrel-chested midfield plodder, PSG apparently of the opinion that they need a leader after Zlatan’s departure, and that the German is their man.
José’s old loves are busy, too. Antonio Conte has pointed Chelsea in the direction of Valencia’s André Gomes and packed them off with £40m in their hands. Trouble is, Valencia have sent them right back again saying that’s not nearly enough, presumably angling to start an auction, with Real Madrid and Barcelona also said to be keen. Competing theories suggest that Chelsea have actually agreed terms with Axel Witsel, nudging them ahead of Everton in those stakes, while there could be an opening in Chelsea’s midfield should Juventus succeed in their hunt for Nemanja Matić.
Pep Guardiola arrived at Manchester City the other day, and from what’s in the gossip columns he seemingly took one look at their defence, puffed his cheeks out a bit and got straight on the phone. Reports in Italy suggest City had a €45m bid for ‘one out of two ain’t bad’ penalty exponent Leonardo Bonucci, but Juventus told them where to stick it on the not unreasonable basis that they don’t want to sell him, at all. John Stones could be another option, and the young man is keen, it says here.
Elsewhere, business is getting done. Spurs are on the verge of signing striker Vincent Janssen for about £16m, then they’ll turn their attention to Gini Wijnaldum, who’ll cost £17m and will be a fine addition providing every Tottenham game is on the telly next season. Everton are in the market for a new goalkeeper and think Kasper Schmeichel is their man, Watford fancy Saido Berahino and could throw Odion Ighalo into that mix as a sweetener, while West Ham could lose Enner Valencia to Lazio, providing they pay the £12m he cost last year.
Finally, Sampdoria are seemingly keen on Mario Balotelli, despite this rather less than glowing testimonial from president Massimo Ferrero. “Balotelli is Balotelli’s own worst enemy,” Ferrero told Il Corriere dello Sport. “Just like [the controversial Samp striker Antonio] Cassano is Cassano’s own worst enemy. He’s a great player who’s stuck back in the 1960s, stuck in the days of Sapore di Sale [a classic Italian song about relaxing on the beach]. He could relaunch [his career] at a passionate club like ours, but I think he’s still got mixed feelings. I’ve tried to tell him to come to Samp because he’s a great talent.”
