What would you call a hypothetical situation in which Romelu Lukaku patiently heard out the overtures of his varied suitors, sat down in diverse locations with pen in hand and proud representative hovering overhead while the cameras flashed, before each time requesting a bathroom break and promptly running for the hills, or more specifically Goodison Park – where he later resurfaces, while Europe’s superpowers scour possible hiding places frantically, to sign a new 12-year contract alongside a beaming Roberto Martínez? A Rom-com. Geddit? You call it a Rom-com, because it’d be rather funny. Certainly funnier, anyway, than what seems sure to be a summer of kiss chase with said admirers – to whom Paris Saint-Germain can this morning be added to the list. They are said to be rivalling Manchester United for his signature, although, if it is true that Laurent Blanc was at Old Trafford purely to watch him flunk it against the Red Devils on Sunday, these tidings might already be chip paper.
Even more so because United have been offered a dear old friend. Cristiano Ronaldo would be available for precisely £48.2m this summer from Real Madrid, says this morning’s gossip in Spain – and, naturally with an eye more on his own security than any sentimental journey into the past, the pouting Portuguese would be up for penning a deal rather longer than the two years remaining in Spain.
If you like United news – and one rather suspects you’re going to have to over the coming months – then the Turkish press have joined the party, suggesting that the Galatasaray goalkeeper Fernando Muslera could replace David de Gea when he finally ups sticks for Real in pre-season.
Other clubs also play football and Arsenal are among them. The noise around their possible move for Borussia Mönchengladbach’s Granit Xhaka will not go away – he would cost a princely £35m or so and, presuming he likes a quiet night in now and again, would leapfrog Jack Wilshere in Arsène Wenger’s thinking, leading to fresh conjecture over the sometime England midfielder’s own future.
Can Manchester City hope to see Marc-André Ter Stegen bawling in exasperation at Eliaquim Mangala, Nicolás Otamendi and poor old Martín Demichelis any time soon? All bets are off after the Barcelona goalkeeper got another game in the Champions League last night and subsequently stated he would resolve his future in the summer. Among those keen to help him decide are Liverpool.
Antonio Conte’s new broom will sweep through Chelsea soon enough and those willing him to throw a bone to their captain, leader, legend might be wishing Demba Ba would button it up. Now at Shanghai Shenhua, he believes John Terry should get out on the next plane to join the Chinese gravy train – although he accepts that Eden Hazard should not “be silly” and ought to “stay where he is” if offered oriental megabucks. Which sounds like as polite a brush-off as any.
And finally ... for me, Clive, this one’s a very important morsel to have in and around the Rumour Mill. Could it really be true that prudent stewardship’s Aston Villa are to make former midfielder Andy Townsend their new director of football? To save you checking, it’s five days since this could possibly have been a dirty lie. Has a team ever been promoted by parking the tactics truck?
