Chelsea are after a player who can lift their morale and bring the dressing
room together with his all-action game, lung-busting effort and unifying
spirit. And they’re in luck, because that man is available on a free
transfer! Step forward, Emmanuel Adebayor.
The former Tottenham Hotspur striker is not the only player who Chelsea are
targeting as they look to spend their way out of a slump more inexplicably
lame than the big reveal in London Spy. Also on their January wishlist are
Shakhtar Donetsk’s Alex Texeira, West Bromwich Albion’s Saido Berahino,
Napoli’s Gonzalo Higuain and, of course, Leicester City’s Jamie Vardy, who
will probably never score again if he signs for Chelsea. They will look to
fund those moves by selling Juan Cuadrado to Juventus and gently ushering
Radamel Falcao to the exit, hailing the nearest cab and sending him off
towards the glue factory.
However, José Mourinho might not be there to see all these changes happen if
Chelsea lose to Porto and crash out of the Champions League on Tuesday
night. Mourinho, a 52-year-old teenager, finds himself on the verge of the
sack again.
Manchester United are eager to see just how boring Louis van
Gamsm’fvefkml’lmfvfm … sorry, the Mill fell asleep at the keyboard there.
Manchester United are set to hold talks with Clever Lou over his future,
with the Dutchman’s contract set to run out in 2017, and they’re so
enamoured with The Philosophy that they’re ruling themselves out of the
race for Pep Guardiola.
Also on his way out of Bayern Munich is Robert Lewandowski, who’s
apparently off to Real Madrid. Christmas has come early for Rafa Benítez,
who will undoubtedly be delighted about getting another attacker. With Arsenal just a couple of injuries away from having to field a midfield of Kyrstian Bielik and Steve Bould, Arsène Wenger is eyeing some January signings. Paris Saint-Germain’s Adrien Rabiot could be available on loan, while Ilkay Gundogan, Lars Bender and Christoph Kramer are options. What’s Kim Kallstrom up to?
And finally, David Moyes is set to replace Garry Monk at Swansea City. Won’t someone think of the chips?
