Emmanuel Adebayor wants a loan move to Aston Villa, where he will reunite with manager Tim Sherwood. The pair will then become the subject of a patronising internet pile-on, despite Adebayor having scored for fun under Sherwood at Spurs, because they once celebrated a goal rather sweetly by saluting each other, and because Sherwood has never once pandered to the self-appointed cognoscenti by pretending to be the second coming of Gusztav Sebes.
Villa aren’t stopping there in their pursuit of slightly flaky but highly intriguing box-office talent. They also want existentialism’s Dimitar Berbatov, a free agent in many senses. Suddenly the Paul Lambert era seems light years away.
Tottenham Hotspur, their clothes having thus been stolen, have decided to go down a more solid, dependable, pragmatic route. The once-sassy Spurs will replace Adebayor with Manchester United’s Javier Hernández. They also want United winger Ashley Young and Everton midfielder James McCarthy. Érik Lamela is off to Internazionale, while Roberto Soldado is a target for Villarreal. At this rate, Spurs might start regularly winning stuff. Worlds are colliding, it’s all turning upside down.
Sampdoria want Mario Balotelli but only if Liverpool drop their £7.10 valuation. Subs, please check, but we’re pretty sure that’s all fine.
Ángel Di María is the new Raheem Sterling, in so much as the very mention of his name on these pages triggers ennui in some, narcolepsy in others. He’ll be off to Paris St-Germain for the best part of £30m, and not a moment too soon. Though chances are we’ll begin to look back fondly on the saga when the Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale rumours start up in its wake.
Manchester United, in lieu of breaking the world transfer record for either of those two, were hoping to maintain their levels of superstardom with Sergio Ramos. But turns out he’s been stringing them along and will sign a new contract with Real Madrid.
Saint-Étienne winger Max Gradel is on his way to Bournemouth. The deal will give his former club Leeds United a massive “six-figure cash windfall”, according to the Yorkshire Evening Post. The mighty Leeds United reduced to relying on handouts as a result of Bournemouth’s largesse! It’s not 1974 any more, things change and evolve, we accept this as a fact of life. But even so.
That’s the first mention of Leeds in the Rumour Mill since 2001, maybe, perhaps. Chelsea have been nearly as quiet of late, but now it seems they’re after Galatasaray defender Alex Telles. Yes, it’s hard to shake off the suspicion that José’s got something big up his sleeve, isn’t it?
