Manchester United “have agreed to pay £55m” to sign Aaron Wan-Bissaka from Crystal Palace. After weeks of negotiating a fee for the scorer of one of the finest own goals you’ll ever see, they’ve finally done it. Ed Woodward has finally done it! He really has! Hooray for Ed! They’ll be building a statue of him outside Old Trafford any day now! Forget the Sir Alex Ferguson Stand – how about the Sir Ed Woodward Stand? It has a nice ring to it. Except … hang on … hang on a minute … look here … oh … it says here … “contrary to earlier reports” … oh … oh dear … Manchester United and Crystal Palace haven’t agreed a £55m fee for Aaron Wan-Bissaka. Oh. Oh dear. Oh Ed. Cancel the statue.
Unless, of course, United manage to complete a deal for Bournemouth’s wispy genius David Brooks. Plus they’ve found an alternative to Wan-Bissaka.
Only, Norwich City have said that their prodigy Max Aarons is going nowhere. Similarly, West Ham have told United to go away and stop asking them about Issa Diop and Declan Rice. Ask me again, Manuel Pellegrini has said, and I’ll develop an interest in Marcus Rashford. See how you like it.
Plans are afoot to end Neymar’s two-year sabbatical from football. The Brazilian has been looking at houses in Barcelona, but he could yet be heading to Real Madrid. Zinedine Zidane’s side are said to have offered Paris Saint-Germain £115m for the forward and are ready to lob Gareth Bale and James Rodríguez into the deal as an added treat. However, Madrid will have to be quick if they want to sign Paul Pogba. Juventus remain ahead of them in the race to prise the midfielder away from United.
Jorginho is going to follow Maurizio Sarri to Juventus and leave Chelsea for £50m. Phew. That means N’Golo Kanté can get back in his proper position, meaning Proper Football Men everywhere can relax.
Arsenal are after Celtic full-back Kieran Tierney, Saint-Etienne’s William Saliba and Red Bull Salzburg’s Dominik Szoboszlai, while they are set to sell David Ospina to Napoli for £4m and could let Carl Jenkinson join West Brom.
Tom Heaton has rejected a new contract at Burnley and is set to leave Turf Moor on a free. Newcastle’s Mo Diamé is expected to join Al-Gharafa in Qatar when his contract runs out at the end of the month. Sheffield United, Aston Villa and West Brom are fighting over Blackburn’s Bradley Dack.
Internazionale and Atlético Madrid want Southampton’s Ryan Bertrand. Lower those eyebrows. How rude.
