Is there a God? Is war ever justified? What are the things in Gremlins called? These are the sort of big questions that life throws at you which the Mill just cannot answer. Blame the pea-sized brain, blame the fact that it is obscenely early in the morning or blame the fact that when everyone else in class was sitting straight and paying attention, the Mill was carving graffiti into the old wooden desks. However, there are questions that the Mill can answer. Did Jason London and his identical twin brother Jeremy ever make guest appearances on The Outer Limits? Yes! Before marrying his wife Ali in a pair of jeans and a white shirt while carrying a pocket knife, did Madison Bumgarner once go on a date with a girl called Madison Bumgarner? Yes! And where is Christian Benteke going to be playing his trade next season? Liverpool!
Yeah, sorry about this Aston Villa fans. You had a great weekend didn’t you? There was the extra sunshine, the extra day off, the extra hours in bed, the extra time in the pub, the extra time out of that house away from all that nagging and noise and the extra three points from the win over Everton. Everything was going cola-flavoured lollipops wasn’t it? Until along comes Johnny Mill with a fat wet, fish tucked under its bingo wings and ... BLAOOW! ... smacked you with it right across the laughing gear, bringing you back to Monday morning reality. Oh yes. How we all hate reality. Realityschmality. But the reality of Villa’s situation means that they are going to find it hard to hold on to a striker who is banging in goals as if his life depended on it. He won’t come cheap though. Liverpool will have to smash open their piggy bank, look under the couch and check the thumb pockets in their jeans if they are to have the £30m Villa will ask them for in exchange for Mr Benteke. Here are some filler quotes from Leandro Bacuna to make it look like the Mill has done more work than it really has. “I live about one minute from him and go around his place,” boasted Bacuna. “We talk about his future a little bit but we don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s going to be hard to hang on to him.” He is not un-wrong.
Whatever happened to Corey Haim, mused the Thrills a few years ago and Manchester United fans might be wondering the same of Adnan Januzaj. Wasn’t he the greatest thing since a see-through toaster? Wasn’t he going to be the antidote to every single problem at the club? Wasn’t he going to pick the club up on his shoulders and carry them to glory? Eh, no, not according to Louis van Gaal anyway. The Dutchman has been so impressed with Januzaj’s 10 minutes he has allowed the young man this season that he has decided to make Januzaj a season-long loan makeweight in a deal that will see a truck-load of cash and PSV Eindhoven’s Memphis Depay go the other way. Incidentally – and yes this is more filler – history will smile on the Thrills. That first album had some really great, really pure pop tunes on it that captured the west coast at its best and the second one showed a real progression in their song writing. Saying that it was a bit cheesy when they brought all the kids out on stage for the encore at the Point that Christmas.
Elsewhere. There is nothing else happening. Niente. Nada. Nowt. Niets. No, wait. There is. Tomas Rosicky is done with London. He misses his Prague. He misses the beautiful baroque architecture and that weird baby that crawls up the Zizkov TV Tower. He misses the pork, the beef, the dumplings, the beer, the fried cheese, the garlic soup, the fish soup and the red and white and cabbage. He misses how his great city has been turned into one giant stag party crammed with boneheaded drunks who fill the streets with their vomit and vile behaviour. He misses it so much he is thinking about doing one back to Sparta Prague but only if Arsène Wenger says he has about as much chance of playing next season as Arsenal do of winning the league. Mathieu Flamini could also be joining him in doing one from the Gunners but no club will publicly admit to being interested in him. Wonder why.
Finally. Some say David de Gea is off to Real Madrid, some say he is sticking around Old Trafford. Does the Mill know the answer? What do you think?
