Slim pickings today, readers, with the morning’s papers mainly focusing on the farcical spectacle of a 53-year-old man kicking a water bottle. You tell that bottle, José. It’s not fair, is it? The only possible way to make that frown turn upside down is to spend even more money. There is no other way, so Manchester United are busily readying a £50m bid for José Giménez who’s fallen out of favour at Atlético Madrid. The centre-back will be hailed as the final piece in the jigsaw upon his arrival at Old Trafford, then he’ll spend six months in the reserves before graduating to the bench, from where he’ll have an excellent view of his manager muttering to himself about how Jon Moss staged the moon landings.
By the time Giménez arrives, however, Bastian Schweinsteiger will already have headed out of the door. The German made the bench against West Ham, but clearly that was just Mourinho’s way of sticking him in the shop window. Look how fit he is! Good as new! Schweinsteiger stocks running low! Buy him while you still can! Mourinho wouldn’t actually go as far as putting Schweinsteiger on the pitch, he’s not completely mad, but it seems his sales patter has attracted at least one interested party, with Santos thinking about tempting the midfielder to Brazil in January.
After the humiliation of letting in five goals against Swansea City, Alan Pardew needs to convince Crystal Palace’s board that he remains the right silver haired fox for the job. Don’t do the dance, Alan. They won’t like the dance. Sam Allardyce won’t do the dance when he interviews for your job. Victor Moses, the new Cafu, has emerged as a target for Barcelona after impressing as a right wing-back. Chelsea will offer him a new contract, saving them the hassle of signing him for £60m in 2018.
Cardiff and Fulham want Arsenal whizzkid Chuba Akpom on loan. Paris Saint-Germain have denied that they are planning a swoop for Liverpool’s Adam Lallana. But Mamadou Sakho’s days at Anfield could be numbered. West Brom, Internazionale and Milan all want Liverpool’s French international and that’s not a sentence the Mill ever thought it would find itself writing.
