The Mill is perfectly positioned to profit handsomely in this post-facts era – and if you don’t agree, you’re just wrong – so it was with a start that we awoke to discover that Manchester United chose a good night to bury their ... umm ... good news and confirmed everything we have ever posited on these pages about their new charge.
Where does that leave us? It probably leaves us goggle-eyed over the future of Mauro Icardi, the most obvious remaining candidate to move for Silly Money after a tortuous saga over the next three weeks. Arsenal have been the Internazionale forward’s most committed suitors and still appear to see Olivier Giroud as bait, but the wildly gesticulating, healthily coiffured figure you see galloping over the horizon in last-ditch pursuit is Antonio Conte with Chelsea scheming over a £50m bid to ruin the Gunners’ summer and make themselves feel better after failing to land Romelu Lukaku.
Not that Arsenal should put cart before Conte-saddled horse. They need a defender and they need one pronto, so who can they get through the door before this weekend? Valencia’s Shkodran Mustafi remains the top pick but close behind, naturally, is West Brom’s Jonny Evans. And they could even sign both if Gabriel joins Per Mertesacker on their trusty long-term-crocked list. One centre-back they probably won’t be signing is Benfica’s Victor Lindelof – and, whether or not Arsenal are interested, they’ll again have Chelsea to blame for that.
Who did Anderson Talisca dream of playing for when he was a boy? Wolves, duh, and the mere mention of Stan Cullis, Billy Wright or Steve Bull is enough to induce in the Benfica midfielder a deep, nostalgic reverie. In which division did Talisca always dream of playing? The Championship, duh, and it looks as if all his wishes might be coming true at once. Not for Talisca the allure of Liverpool; he is nearing a £20m move to his spiritual home in the Black Country and for this he must thank Wolves’ new owners, Fosun, and their pal Jorge Mendes, who presumably intends Talisca to stay there a very long time. It’s not as if you couldn’t smell Mendes a mile off here, but don’t be put off – just lose yourself in the romance of it all.
Every nation now has its own Jamie Vardy – even England – and Leicester are about to treat themselves to the Spanish one. Deportivo’s Lucas Pérez, scorer of 17 La Liga goals last season after a mixed previous career that included spells in Ukraine and Greece, has been likened to the Foxes’ hot-shot and is tipped to be joining him at the King Power imminently.
Samir Nasri has no future at Manchester City, so the tale goes, after Pep Guardiola became unimpressed with his attitude. Smells like a move to, say, Turkey as far as the Mill is concerned – a prospect that Christian Benteke might face if Besiktas can meet Liverpool’s asking price, which currently looks pretty unlikely. One should, at this point, mention in passing that Chievo would like to Rescue Mario Balotelli From His Liverpool Nightmare; you’d expect the striker to get a move soon, but his agent has been slightly busy lately.
As a newspaper close to your heart reported on Monday night, Everton want Yannick Bolasie but will have to go some with their next offer. The Toffees haven’t given up on signing Ashley Williams in the meantime, although Swansea might not be keen to see another key player leave.
And another knockback for Everton: they won’t be signing the Zenit St Petersburg and Belgium midfielder Axel Witsel, who can’t like Merseyside all that much because he’s rejected Liverpool too – all in favour of replacing Paul Pogba at Juventus. As long as Pogba is involved somewhere, we’ll claw our way through to the end of August.
