Don’t listen to that voice in the back of your head, Arsène. You know, the one that’s saying that you could probably do without Mesut Özil because Jeff Reine-Adélaïde is showing rich promise and 2017 could be the year when Yaya Sanogo really explodes on to the scene. Sanogo isn’t going to explode on to the scene. He might crackle and froth a bit, like a volcano at a school science fair, but then he’ll fizzle out and you’ll end up thinking that maybe you should have given Özil that massive contract that’s making you feel queasy at the moment.
Özil is reportedly asking for £348,000 a week – don’t blame him, blame market forces and Brexit – and that’s not how Arsenal traditionally roll. Who does he think they are, Shanghai Shenhua? It does seem an obscene amount to the Mill, whose wage packet arrives in the form of a box of Refreshers and a multipack of Um Bongo each month, which goes some way to explaining its somewhat sickly look. But this is modern football and Arsenal face losing Özil, their assist genius, if they don’t pay up.
They’ve got similar problems with Alexis Sánchez, their best player, and it won’t help their mood to hear that Chelsea are monitoring the Chilean’s situation. If Arsenal end up losing Sánchez, they could always replace him with Ajax’s Richiedly Bazoer. “After talks with Riechedly I assume there is a big chance that he is not with this team anymore after the winter break,” Ajax’s manager, Peter Bosz, said, also alerting Barcelona, Chelsea and Manchester City to the 20-year-old forward’s availability.
Elsewhere, Leicester can’t stop conceding goals, so they’re planning a move for a new striker: Inter’s Brazilian starlet Gabriel Barbosa, who’s said to be “unhappy” in Italy after getting 16 minutes of game time this season. Manchester City, Tottenham and Liverpool are all circling Schalke like sharks with massive bank accounts, ready to make offers to whizz-kid contract rebels Max Meyer and Leon Goretzka. In other threesome news, Spurs, Everton and Southampton are locked in a Mexican stand-off as they each vie for Norwich hotshot Jacob Murphy.
Simone Zaza, last seen channelling the spirit of John O’Shea by whacking a shot out for a throw against Manchester United last week, is set to end his disastrous loan spell at West Ham and join Valencia. They need someone to take their penalties, mooch around up front with a sad look on his face and offer zero goal threat. Sounds like a job for Zaza! West Ham, meanwhile, want Chelsea goalkeeper Asmir Begovic on loan.
Aston Villa also want a new keeper: Hull City’s Allan McGregor. It’s enough to make Villa fans pine for the glory days of Bosko Balaban. Hull will console themselves by signing Legia Warsaw’s Nemanja Nikolic, unless Chicago Fire get to the striker first. Stoke and Crystal Palace both want Lille midfielder Soualiho Meïté. Maybe they can share him.
Finally, Everton have been told to make Bolton Wanderers an offer they can’t refuse for Zach Clough. After thinking it through, they’re willing to give them a calendar from the 1993-94 season.
