Sometimes the day’s transfer tittle-tattle is straightforward: so-and-so will sign so-and-so, Club A take star player of Club B. But today’s tabloid gossip reads more the the line-up for a wrestling pay-per-view. It’s going to be a happening.
The opening bout, scheduled for one fall, sees Roma, Everton, Newcastle and Milan engaged in a four-way brawl over the services of Inter defender Andrea Ranocchia, who has had enough of life with the Nerazzurri and is off to pastures new in January.
Chelsea and Barcelona are to be locked in the hellacious confines of a steel cage to go mano-a-mano over Dynamo Kyiv forward Andriy Yarmolenko, who was watched by a masked figure in Ukraine on Monday night.
Look, I'm not saying that Jose is taking his style tips from my cartoons, but... pic.twitter.com/WxcpEcJPOM
— David Squires (@squires_david) October 12, 2015
Arsène Wenger’s patented flying elbow from the top rope should be enough to see Ajax’s shoulders pinned to the mat for the three count and 19-year-old central midfielder Riechedly Bazoer join up with the Arsenal camp. The Gunners are also expected to smash a steel chair over Dinamo Moscow’s head and relieve them of Aleksandr Kokorin.
Next up: the ladder match. Everton and Spurs will be the combatants. Milan’s Keisuke Honda will be suspended above the ring. The first one to grab him gets the Japan playmaker.
Southampton and Holland will lock up in the next bout. Ronald Koeman will, of course, be in Southampton’s corner with his megaphone. But … is Saints’ manager going to be tempted to join up with his national side if Danny Blind gets the axe?
In the battle royal, half the Premier League will start in the ring in the match to decide the destination of Roma defender Kostas Manolas. Expect Chelsea to throw the rest over the top rope and out to the floor.
And there’s a surprise result in the the triple-threat match. Arsenal and Liverpool thought they were at the head of the queue to sign Málaga tackle machine Ignacio Camacho but West Brom are set to sneak in for the £10m pin thanks to Tony Pulis’ RKO outta nowhere.
