London is a monument to lavishness, dominated by the unarguable morality of conspicuous wealth – and yet it is also home to some of the world’s most notable thrift. Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur are two of the richest football teams on the planet – and yet both are above the vulgarity of exchanging money for goods. Down with the system!
Arsenal, after identifying Shkodran Mustafi as the centre-back that they wanted, refused to provide the £30m that Valencia requested; in the meantime, they seized one point from their first two league games. And now, having been told to pay his £43m release clause, they have somehow convinced themselves that the answer to their problems is “Philip Jones”.
The move, though, does also have some logic to it: rather than sign a player who starts making errors and getting injured all the time, it surely makes sense to cut out the middleman and sign someone who has already mastered those arts. Le Professeur strikes again!
But it is also the case that a fit Jones is a far better defender than the internet sometimes suggests, such that the move would suit both buying and selling club – he is good enough to improve Arsenal but not good enough to do so drastically, and would bring in the funds José Mourinho needs to sign the extra defender that he wants for Manchester United. Except the urge to act vindictively is so strong, and the opportunity to act vindictively is so available, so Mourinho has decided to do what he does best, refusing to sell a player to Arsène Wenger, even though he’s not bothered about having him.
So instead Arsenal continue to window-shop their way across Europe, making eyes at Omer Toprak of Bayer Leverkusen, Simon Kjaer of Fenerbahce, and José Giménez of Atlético Madrid. They were also interested in Southampton’s José Fonte but believe that he will move to Old Trafford, though Mourinho has also developed a sudden interest in Omer Toprak of Bayer Leverkusen, Simon Kjaer of Fenerbahce, and José Giménez of Atlético Madrid.
Actually looking to buy players is Slaven Bilic, whose West Ham team is now without Andy Carroll for the usual unspecified period of time. As such, he is in the market for a replacement lump, and after sorting through the various igneous, metamorphic and sedimentaries, has alighted on the obelisk that is Wilfried Bony. Bony’s art-house interpretation of what constitutes football and running has yet to impress Pep Guardiola, so he is available, but has also been linked with a January move to China. Should a deal prove impossible, Bilic is expected to turn his attention to Kevin Kyle, Garry Thompson and Paul Wilkinson.
And Bilic is also plotting an audacious move to sign the hero of Euro 2016, Juventus’s Simone Zaza. Bilic has confirmed his interest in the player, but faces competition from Southampton, who need to replace the penalty-spot prowess of Graziano Pellè.
Meanwhile, Southampton are also in the market for Liverpool’s next expensive flop, ready to give Lille £20m for Sofiane Boufal, breaking their transfer record in the process. Only 22, Boufal is an attacking midfielder whose skills have attracted attention from Chelsea, Tottenham, Juventus, and, er, Watford, but he now looks likely to be heading for St Mary’s.
Talking of Liverpool, they are hoping to divest themselves of Mamadou Sakho for the foreseeable future. Sakho, who was only this summer awarded the iconic No3 shirt made famous by David Burrows, Julian Dicks, Bjorn Tore Kvarme, John Scales, Christian Ziege, Abel Xavier, Steve Finnan, Paul Konchesky and José Enrique, fell out with Jürgen Klopp after breaching club discipline, so is understandably keen to join Mark Hughes’s more easy-going regime at Stoke.
