The Mill welcomes you to another day’s normalisation of absurdity but, to be fair, that doesn’t have to mean this is an article about football. It actually is – though by all means extend its connotations to a wider social and cultural atrophy if it so takes you – so if you can tear yourself away from all the white-knuckle pre-season fri£ndly action, we’ll bring you the news that free agent Zlatan Ibrahimovic may well return to Manchester United for the second half of next season – with José Mourinho so confident in the modest Swede’s powers of recovery that he has ditched plans to sign another striker this pre-season.
Not much of the big-money action we demand there, is there? We want money! And so do Nice, if Arsenal are to get hold of their playmaker Jean Michaël Seri. He likes them. They like him. Does their admiration extend to the £36m that would trigger his release clause? Swansea had a £15m salvo turned down; the Gunners will almost certainly get their man if they stump up. Tottenham are interested too, but we don’t talk about money-hating Tottenham in this column.
Arsenal are also thought to be in pole position for Manchester City wonderkid Jadon Sancho, as per rumours earlier in the week. He has a soft spot for the men from north London, apparently, although Borussia Dortmund think they have a chance of persuading him across to Germany.
Even if Nice keep hold of Seri, they might struggle to retain Henrique Dalbert now that Liverpool are keen to meet his €30m release fee. Why buy one perfectly good left-back, Andy Robertson, when you can flourish your wad for another? There is more defence-bolstering activity on Merseyside but of the more prosaic variety, with Everton steaming in to sign West Ham’s James Collins. The Toffees have, such is the way we all think now, become definite title contenders through sheer force of incoming transfer numbers; this would be their 11th although Crystal Palace and Stoke are also having a look at the 33-year-old.
Michael Hector, who those with outstanding memories might remember plays for Chelsea, looks like leaving them on loan to enjoy some football with Hull City. In further Championship news, Middlesbrough are willing to pay £7m for West Ham’s Ashley Fletcher. And if that seems a lot of money then consider the £10m that Reading would happily put newly-promoted Huddersfield’s way for their forward Nahki Wells – who David Wagner has admitted is “on the market”.
Some non-league news to finish with, because the insanity has trickled that far down. Publicity-shy Billericay Town, and their shrinking violet of an owner Glenn Tamplin, believe that a 32-year-old former Arsenal player, (and also a European Cup winner) is on the verge of joining Jamie O’Hara and Paul Konchesky in the seventh tier, and presumably any number of reality television shows to boot. The Mill will let you do the guessing; not enough surprises us anymore.
