Plucky Little Manchester United, somehow third in the league against all the odds, having spent absolutely no money at all, are planning to dip into their untouched and paltry transfer war chest in January in a bid to fuel a romantic rise to the top which has grabbed the hearts of neutrals across the land.
Louis van Gaal has defied all doom-laden predictions after buying players nobody has ever heard of with matchsticks and peanuts but now he has decided he would quite like a defender who can tie his shoelaces and has identified Atlético Madrid’s Diego Godín as just that man. But Godín will cost £28.5m. Hopefully, United will be able to stretch that far! That sure is a lot of money for a club of their meagre means!
Liverpool are going to sign a Uruguayan player from a top continental side.
Is it Luis Suárez?
Is it?
Is it Suárez?
Is Suárez the Uruguayan?
Is Suárez going to end his Barcelona hell and go back to Liverpool?
No. It’s Maxi Pereira. Liverpool will part with £4m for the Benfica right-back.
It’s all about defenders this morning. Arsenal are also in the market for a new left-back, with Gilles Grimandi notifying Arsène Wenger about the suitability of Monaco’s Layvin Kurwaza, available for £15m. Presumably Kurwaza has a good mental strength and excellent mental fortitude and an outstanding mentality, which will help him fit right in at Arsenal, whose granite players are lauded for all of those qualities.
Also on Arsenal’s shopping list is West Ham’s Winston Reid. He doesn’t want to sign a new contract at Upton Park and is apparently willing to leave a title-chasing club for one embroiled in a mid-table scrap. Everton and Liverpool are also sniffing around and West Ham, who aren’t hopeful of keeping Reid, are planning to replace the defender by signing Marseille’s Nicolas N’Koulou.
Arsenal and Liverpool both want to sign Petr Cech. What do you reckon José Mourinho thinks about that? Do you think he’s going to let that happen? He’ll be sending them Hilário instead.
As soon as he’s finished scrubbing his manager of the year trophy, Alan Pardew is going to rush out and bring Anderlecht’s Alexsandar Mitrovic to Newcastle and then give credit to himself.
And finally, Queens Park Rangers want Robbie Keane to organise all of their Christmas parties in future.
