And that’s yer lot. Stick around for all the match reports, and we’ll have LIVE! minute-by-minute coverage of the club World Cup final between Real Madrid and the Pope’s boys, San Lorenzo, later on. Cheers. And sorry Blackpool fans.
And here be the Championship final scores...
Ach...
Akloppalypse now pic.twitter.com/YRS62YI3ss
— James Dart (@James_Dart) December 20, 2014
7 (seven) for the Dons: Carl Baker makes it MK Dons 7-0 Oldham.
Full-time in the Premier League
Aston Villa 1-1 Manchester United
Hull 0-1 Swansea
QPR 3-2 West Brom
Southampton 3-0 Everton
Tottenham 2-1 Burnley
West Ham 2-0 Leciester
Surprisingly, it’s ten-man Aston Villa who look more likely to score in the closing stages against United as Benteke can’t get on the end of a Bacuna cross...but there’s the final whistle. It’s 1-1.
Party time in Milton Keynes (and to be fair, when isn’t it), as the Dons go 6-0 up against Oldham.
Oh, football! pic.twitter.com/voJwtZDPiB
— Daniel Harris (@DanielHarris) December 20, 2014
A young man supposedly called ‘Dominic Gape’ has just come on for Southampton. Yeah, nice one Saints, but no way are we falling for that one.
GOAL! QPR 3-2 West Brom (Austin 86)
And there’s the treble for Austin! A bullet header could well have given QPR a big win. Well done that man.
Updated
Is this...banter?
84: Downing's corner is one of the worst in living memory. Straight along the turf to an @OfficialFOXES defender [2-0] #WHULEI
— West Ham United FC (@whufc_official) December 20, 2014
GOAL! Southampton 3-0 Everton (Yoshida 82)
That’s more like it. Cheers lads. Steven Davis crosses with the outside of his right foot, and curls it straight to Maya Yoshida, who does the necessary.
Updated
All gone a bit quiet in the Premier League, goals-wise. Ben Foster has just made a fine save for West Brom to deny Charlie Austin a hat-trick. Down with this sort of thing.
Game on at Cardiff, where them Bluebirds have made it 2-3 through big Kenwyne Jones.
Six for Bournemouth! Harry Arter gets a vat of salt and grinds it into tangerine wounds with the end of a sledgehammer. Just send them down now and let their fans get on with something else for the next five months.
And Dortmund have lost. Long old Christmas in the Klopp household.
Seriously, that Agbonlahor red...man alive.
And that’s a fifth for Bournemouth at Blackpool - 5-1 now, Marc Pugh with it, while Alman Abdi has put Watford ahead against Reading.
Memo to Ryan Dunne, who has written in nominating U2 for album of the year. Wash your mouth out, Ryan Dunne.
Blackpool briefly had a wee bit of hope after Nathan Delfeuonso pulled one back, but that hope is dashed like a fragile vase on some concrete after Brett Pitman scored from the spot. Meanwhile, it’s Fulham 3-0 Sheffield Wednesday, and David Cotterill has put Birmingham ahead at Huddersfield.
Blimey - looking at the replays of that Agbonlahor decision, and that was an absolutely rancid decision. It might have been a yellow, but only just. Lee Mason, may you be spanked with a wet slipper.
GOAL! Southampton 2-0 Everton (Pelle 65)
And the Saints are back on the horse, sashaying their way towards a victory after Graziano Pelle snaffles one in the box after Shane Long knocked down a cross from Nathanial Clyne.
Updated
RED CARD! Agbonlahor (65)
Oof, a red at Villa Park, and the home side are down to ten men after Gabby Agbonlahor is sent on his way. His crime: a late one on Ashley Young.
Japes at Molineux. A few minutes ago referee Darren Bond gave a penalty to Wolves after a ‘foul’ on Nouha Dicko, but after a brief conversation with his lino he changed his mind, instead booking Dicko for diving. And now, Brighton’s Bruno has been sent off for a two-footed reducer. It’s still 1-0 to Brighton, by the way.
They’re having a disco at Blackpool - in the away section anyway, as Bournemouth go 3-0 up with a goal from Matt Ritchie. Bournemouth (Bournemouth) will be top of the Championship at Christmas. Life’s weird, eh?
GOAL! West Ham 2-0 Leicester (Downing 56)
And more good news for West Ham, as Stewart Downing picks up a long ball after Diafra Sakho’s knock-down, and lashes one into the net. Lllllllllovely stuff.
Updated
Over in Spain, Luis Suarez has scored his first league goal for Barcelona, putting them 2-0 ahead against Cordoba.
GOAL! Aston Villa 1-1 Manchester United (Falcao 50)
A leveller for United, and Radamel Falcao lives, powering home from a cross by the curiously revitalised Ashley Young.
Updated
10 - Only Sergio Aguero (14) and Diego Costa (12) have scored more @premierleague goals than Charlie Austin this season. Flourish.
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) December 20, 2014
GOAL! QPR 2-2 West Brom (Austin 48)
And that’s the first goal of the second period, and Charlie Austin is into double figures for the season after tapping in from a Bobby Zamora knock-back.
Updated
The teams are back out and playing football up and down the land, and Villa have very nearly doubled their lead over Manchester United, with a Benteke header saved by De Gea. Meanwhile, Danny Ings has almost scored twice already for Burnley at Tottenham.
This, as you should well know, is joyous: Darlene Love singing ‘Christmas (Baby Please Come Home’ down the years on Letterman.
Any Gooners still want Jurgen Klopp? It could be your lucky day, as in the final game before the winter break in Germany, Borussia Dortmund are 2-0 down at Werder Bremen. One wonders if he’ll still be there in January, or whether he’ll be looking even more like a sad chimp after being very firmly binned.
So, interestingly, or boringly (I haven’t quite decided)” hedges John in Brighton, “in the last two games at St Mary’s between the Saints and the Toffees, that’s 3-0 (so far) to the Saints. However, all the goals have been scored by Everton. Own-goal-stat-tastic.”
Updated
Fulham are now 2-0 up over Sheffield Wednesday, Shaun Hutchinson adding to Ross McCormack’s opener. Jay Tabb is another man to double a lead, this time with a rather unlikely header to put Ipswich 2-0 ahead against Middlesbrough.
Half-time scores
Aston Villa 1-0 Manchester United
Hull 0-1 Swansea
QPR 1-2 West Brom
Southampton 1-0 Everton
Tottenham 2-1 Burnley
West Ham 1-0 Leicester
Thoughts on Harry Kane from Joshua Reynolds. Or, rather, Joshua Reynolds’ pal: “A coworker is a Spurs supporter and his take on Kane was odd, I thought. He says: “He gets goals but he just looks like a mid table starter, not a top level starter.”. Not sure where he thinks Spurs are in the table, or what besides goals he’s asking for, but that’s an, um, opinion.”
It’s top vs bottom in the Championship by the beach, and it’s going as you might expect: Callum Wilson makes it Blackpool 0-2 Bournemouth. With apologies to their fans, humiliating relegation is exactly what Karl Oyston deserves.
Injury problems for Spurs - Ryan Mason has received a kick on the ankle, and it Benjamin Stambouli is coming on for the midfielder.
Ach, bad times for Wigan, who are 1-0 down to fellow Championship strugglers Tom Lawrence. Oi vey.
GOAL! Southampton 1-0 Everton (Lukaku OG 37)
Well that’s weird. After being denied a penalty, Southampton win a corner that is whipped in by James Ward-Prowse, which flies in via Romelu Lukaku. He was under pressure from Jose Fonte, who tried to claim it like a true striker, but he was fooling nobody there.
Updated
Eeesh, controversy at St Mary’s, as Shane Long is fairly blatantly wiped out by Phil Jagielka in the area, but no penalty is gi...oh, hang on...
GOAL! Tottenham 2-1 Burnley (Lamela 35)
They’re flying in all over t’shop, and Erik Lamela has notched an absolute woofer here, cutting in from the right and curling a left-footed shot past Tom Heaton.
Updated
Eesh, not going to plan for Cardiff. They’re now 3-0 down against Brentford, Jota with the goal.
Ball in the net at Southampton as Graziano Pelle bags, but it’s disallowed for a foul on Phil Jagielka.
In the Champo, Daryl Murphy has put Ipswich 1-0 up over Middlesbrough, Blackburn’s lead against Charlton has been doubled with Rhodes again, Bournemouth are winning 1-0 at Blackpool, and Brentford are 2-0 to the good at Cardiff.
GOAL! Tottenham 1-1 Burnley (Barnes 27)
Well, that lead didn’t last long for Spurs. Ashley Barnes draws Burnley level with a belter, capitalising on an error from Lamela to belt a curler into the top corner and past Hugo Lloris.
Updated
An email from...two feet to my left, from our own Ian McCourt: “Hi Nick, Ian here from beside you on the desk. You have clearly forgotten YG’s My Krazy Life in your entry re albums of the year. Please correct.”
Done. Although why he couldn’t have just told me, I don’t know. He could’ve rapped it himself, that way. Although, perhaps you could say the same about this entry.
GOAL! West Ham 1-0 Leicester (Carroll 24)
And another! Not a cartoon Carroll power header this time, as the big man latches onto a poor backpass by Paul Konchesky to nip in and give the Hammers the lead.
Updated
GOAl! QPR 1-2 West Brom (Austin 23)
And Rangers are back in it, as Charlie Austin converts a penalty given for a spot of wrestling in the box. Told you it was all going to get going.
GOAL! Tottenham 1-0 Burnley (Kane 21)
Smart work from Spurs. Harry Kane takes a quick free-kick to Christian Eriksen, but the Dane is offside so he ignores it, and Nacer Chadli takes over, holds the ball up then crosses back into the box, where Kane nods home. They do like him down at the Lane, even though he does look like a trainee estate agent.
Updated
GOAL! QPR 0-2 West Brom (Varela 20)
Blimey. Bad news for Harry, as two players who have, shall we say, started their Baggies careers rather slowly, Silvestre Varela and Brown Ideye combine for the former to double West Brom’s advantage.
GOAL! Aston Villa 1-0 Manchester United (Benteke 18)
Woof! What a strike that is to give Aston Villa the lead. Fabian Delph swings a free-kick over from the left, Benteke brings it down at the far post, shuffles around to find some space and curls a beautiful shot into the top corner. David de Gea didn’t move a muscle.
Updated
GOAL! Hull 0-1 Swansea (Ki 14)
A lucky opener for Swansea, after Jonjo Shelvey shoots from range, it’s going wide but is deflected home by Ki Sun-yeung. Possible hint of handball about that one, too.
Updated
Down in the Championship, Jordan Rhodes has put Blackburn ahead at home to Charlton, Brentford are ahead against Cardiff through Alex Pritchard, while the pressure might be slightly relaxing on Sami Hyypia, for Darren Bent has made it Wolves 0-1 Brighton.
If you still need to get any Christmas presents for a football fan, here’s an idea for a stocking filler
GOAL! QPR 0-1 West Brom (Lescott 10)
And the first goal of the day comes from Loftus Road, with Joleon Lescott beating the QPR defence to a corner for his first goal in about a billion years. If QPR’s home form goes too, well...
Updated
Not much going on so far in the Premier League. A few chances here and there - Sakho had a volley for West Ham, Brown Ideye should have bagged for West Brom against QPR. It’s all about to explode though. For sure. Definitely.
Meanwhile, Patrick Dillon writes: “You’ve got to give a shout out to Future Island’s performance on Letterman...”
Will will indeed take all of that you’ve got.
Anyway, back to the football. Teams are emerging from tunnels, and this whole thing very much seems to be on, on, on.
Some musical nominations sent in by Amir Adhamy. Didn’t know this one, by Hail Mary Mallon, but it’s very good indeed.
Can we perhaps introduce you to the work of Dr Freud, Mark Taylor? He writes about the Manchester United #mufclive hashtag: “I can’t say I’m that familiar with twitter, but I thought it said “muff dive.”
Updated
“No St. Vincent?” asks Joseph Owen. A close one, and while she’s great I liked a few of the songs very much, I wasn’t quite so keen on the whole album. Here’s Rattlesnake, though...
It’s that time that everyone has been waiting for, with breath most bated - it’s my top five albums of the year! Yes, this is exactly what the last 12 months have been leading up to. So, in no particular order...
Nobody Wants To Be Here And Nobody Wants To Leave by The Twilight Sad...
Seeds by TV On The Radio
Shriek by Wye Oak
Our Love by Caribou
Present Tense by Wild Beasts
Southampton-Everton today, where in between Christmas tunes there are plugs for slippers on the big screens. *The* perfect gift, apparently.
— Alan Smith (@alansmith90) December 20, 2014
Meanwhile, sad times for Coventry, whose ground has now been officially taken over by a rugby team. Sigh.
We need a new home. Not a CCFC badge in sight. #pusb pic.twitter.com/be2YyVIZ6q
— Tom Furnival-Adams (@Tom_FA) December 20, 2014
More on that sorry state of affairs (from a football perspective, anyway - supporters of the silly sport are probably well pleased) over here.
What the hell is this?
United striker @Falcao starts today and he has just one thing in mind... #mufclive pic.twitter.com/FjICl8ABxg
— Manchester United (@ManUtd) December 20, 2014
While we’re waiting for the clock to tick follows tock follows tick around to 3pm, there’s about 17-odd minutes of Manchester City v Crystal Palace remaining. Join Ian McCourt for them last knockings. Spoiler: Neil Warnock is irked.
Team news
Aston Villa v Manchester United
Guzan, Lowton, Vlaar (c), Okore, Clark, Cissokho, Sanchez, Delph, Weimann, Agbonlahor, Benteke. Subs: Given, Bacuna, Herd, N’Zogbia, Robinson, Grealish, Calder.
De Gea, Jones, Carrick, Evans, Valencia, Fletcher, Mata, Rooney, Young, Van Persie, Falcao. Subs: Lindegaard, Blackett, McNair, Rafael, Di Maria, Januzaj, Wilson
Referee: Lee Mason
Hull City v Swansea City
McGregor, Bruce, Chester, Davies, Robertson, Elmohamady, Meyler, Livermore, Ramirez, Hernandez, Jelavic. Subs: Jakupović, Rosenior, Brady, Maguire, Sagbo, Aluko, Quinn.
Fabianski, Richards, Fernandez, Williams (C), Taylor, Ki, Carroll, Shelvey, Dyer, Routledge, Gomis. Subs: Tremmel, Bartley, Rangel, Fulton, Emnes, Barrow, Bony.
Referee: Mark Clattenburg
QPR v WBA
Green, Onuoha, Caulker, Dunne, Suk-Young, Vargas, Barton, Henry, Fer, Austin, Zamora. Subs: McCarthy, Ferdinand, Hill, Phillips, Mutch, Krancjar, Hoilett
Foster, Wisdom, Lescott, McAuley, Pocognoli, Gardner, Dorrans, Morrison, Varela, Sessegnon, Ideye. Subs: Myhill, Baird, Dawson, Gamboa, Yacob, Mulumbu, Berahino.
Referee: Craig Pawson
Southampton v Everton
Forster, Alderweireld, Fonte (c), Yoshida, Clyne, Reed, Ward-Prowse, S. Davis, Bertrand, Long, Pellè. Subs: K. Davis, Mané, McCarthy, Targett, McQueen, Seager, Gape.
Howard, Coleman, Jagielka, Distin, Baines, Besic, Barry, Barkley, Naismith, Eto’o, Lukaku. Subs: Robles, McGeady, Kone, Pienaar, Stones, Garbutt, Alcaraz.
Referee: Jonathan Moss
Tottenham v Burnley
Lloris, Walker, Fazio, Vertonghen, Davies; Bentaleb, Mason; Lamela, Eriksen, Chadli; Kane. Subs: Vorm, Chiriches, Rose, Dembele, Stambouli, Townsend, Soldado
Heaton; Trippier, Shackell (c), Keane, Mee; Arfield, Marney, Jones, Boyd; Barnes, Ings. Subs: Gilks, Reid, Wallace, Kightly, Jutkiewicz, Chalobah, Long.
Referee: Mike Jones
West Ham v Leicester
Adrian, Jenkinson, Tomkins, Reid, Cresswell, Song, Kouyate, Nolan (c), Downing, Sakho, Carroll. Subs: Jaaskelainen, O’Brien, Collins, Amalfitano, Zarate, Cole, Valencia
Hamer, Simpson, Morgan (c), Wasilewski, Cambiasso, Konchesky, Drinkwater, King, Schlupp, Mahrez, Vardy. Subs: Smith, De Laet, Hammond, James, Knockaert, Ulloa, Nugent
Referee: Martin Atkinson
Updated
And so, the last day of football before it all goes a bit bonkers and we start playing loads and loads. It’s a good thing of course, for no other reason than it’s a welcome distraction from real human interaction, but it can get a bit overwhelming. First up is Manchester United v Aston Villa or, as Louis van Gaal appears to have it, Michael Carrick v Aston Villa:
The importance of Michael Carrick to Louis van Gaal’s Manchester United was illustrated on Friday before Saturday’s trip to Aston Villa when the manager twice billed him as “my captain” when asked of his qualities.
“He is my captain so he brings a lot of experience but also a lot of composure,” Van Gaal said. “I can use him in different positions and I like that. Because he is my captain he can transfer my philosophy on the pitch.”
Van Gaal said this despite having named Wayne Rooney as his official leader and Darren Fletcher his deputy. When United’s media officer interrupted to say that Carrick is the vice-captain, Van Gaal continued: “Next to Rooney he is my captain. Fletcher is also my captain. I have three captains but of course there is a sequence. Rooney is one, Carrick is two, Fletcher is three. In different lines of my team I have captains and that is very important. Maybe, that contribution is a big one.”
Next, in order of the league table anyway, is West Ham, which is still a pretty weird thing to write. West Ham! In the Champions League places! With Sam Allardyce as their manager! And with Andy Carroll playing up front! What larks! Carl Jenkinson seems to be having a lovely old time anyway, not least because he’s actually playing rather than sitting under a blanket on the bench at the Emirates...
In an ideal world he would not have gone on loan but the writing was on the wall when Arsenal signed Mathieu Debuchy. “I didn’t want to have another season sitting on the bench,” Jenkinson says. “It was starting to drive me up the wall a little bit, I wanted to get out and play football, and I’ve realised that I’m happiest when I’m playing regular football.”
And West Ham were a good fit. Growing up in Essex, he always had a soft spot for them. “I have a couple of friends who are West Ham and they’re absolutely buzzing,” Jenkinson says. “I’ve got a feel of what it means to everyone at the moment and how good it is for everyone involved at West Ham with where we are in the league. That gives you motivation to keep it going and keep achieving. It’s nice to see other people enjoying your success.”
They should probably continue their smashing start to the season today, as they will face a Leicester side without their manager on the bench, which probably isn’t the worst thing in the world because Nigel Pearson usually sits in the stands anyway.
Southampton have been doing well recently, continuing their excellent early season form and giving one in the eye to everyone who doubted their pre-season signi...oh, no, wait, the opposite of that. The arse seems to have fallen out of the Saints’ season somewhat, coming into this game against Everton on the back of five straight defeats, the most recent of which came rather embarrassingly against Sheffield United in the Capital One Cup, after which Ronald Koeman rather lost his thread. Still, he seems to have calmed down a little bit since:
Always you have to look until now,” Koeman said. “If somebody said to me in the pre-season ‘after the middle of December you are the fifth in the list’, I would have said ‘give me the paper and I will sign it now’.
“I understand the defeats because that’s always the difference with players. They need confidence and sometimes now you see that. I know my players, how they can play football, and it’s difficult because of maybe freshness, maybe about more changes in the team.
“Confidence you can show them, you can tell them. The answer is always on the pitch Saturday at 3 o’clock and then you have to show it. There are always ways to lose a game but not how we lost last Tuesday.”
While our old friend Narrative would have you believe that everything is grand with Southampton and everything is dreadful for the team their manager left for in the summer, that’s not quite the case. Mauricio Pochettino’s Spurs have been rather quietly impressive recently, if still a bit inconsistent. They’ve only lost one domestic game in the last six, which was to Chelsea, and included that shellacking of Newcastle in the week. And hey, in even better news, Emmanuel Adebayor is back after compassionate leave, but Pochettino reckons he might not be 100% for the visit of the improving Burnley today. Still, one might wonder when he is ever at 100%, of course.
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 16 | Sunderland | 16 | -10 | 16 |
| 17 | Burnley | 16 | -13 | 15 |
| 18 | QPR | 16 | -13 | 14 |
| 19 | Hull | 16 | -8 | 13 |
| 20 | Leicester | 16 | -12 | 10 |
While life is getting a bit better for Burnley, you possibly couldn’t say exactly the same for the team that beat them a few few weeks ago, QPR. Well, perhaps that’s slightly unfair, because ‘Appy ‘Arry’s boys are just a point behind the Clarets, but they’re infuriatingly inconsistent, specifically away from home where they can’t buy a point. Still, Harry has a plan, and that plan could involve, erm, Ravel Morrison...
I liked him,” Redknapp said when asked about the prospect of signing Morrison. “I think I might be his last chance. He has got to sort himself out. Fergie ended up getting rid of him, Sam got rid of him and they are top, top managers.
“He has obviously got to look at himself somewhere but I’m open to taking those chances with people. I have done it over the years and so maybe I will do it.
“He is an amazing talent, I have got to be truthful. He glides over the pitch and has the ability to beat people but he doesn’t put it all together. There is something missing, isn’t there? There is a screw loose somewhere. He isn’t that bad a lad and has had a hard life.”
In even worse shape than those two is Hull, currently on the ugly end of a nine-game winless run that has seen them drop into the bottom three, and if they can’t beat Swansea today then you really do worry for their chances of dragging themselves out of it. One light in the dark has been George Boyd, who our Barry Glendenning is a big fan of, writing in the latest exciting edition of Ten Things To Watch Out For...
A return of just two goals since his move to Burnley from Hull City would suggest George Boyd has failed to set to world alight since arriving at Turf Moor, but the club’s joint record signing has proved a very astute purchase even if his team remains in the relegation zone. Employed by Sean Dyche as a wide midfielder, the Scottish winger is a tireless worker who holds this season’s Premier League record for the distance covered in a game, with 8.29 miles during Burnley’s win over Stoke in November. At the time he featured three times in the Top 10 of long distance runners per match, occupying positions one and four (Swansea’s Gylfi Sigurdsson, one of the players of the season thus far, was second and third). Burnley’s lowly status means he is kept busier in defence than attack and he is a noticeably strong and well-timed in the tackle. While his finishing could be better, it took a remarkable save from Robert Green to deny him what would have been an excellent goal at QPR last weekend. If Burnley are to beat Southampton Boyd is likely to play a pivotal role and in the face of a vibrant midfield as adept at keeping the ball as Southampton’s can be, he may very well need to break his own record for blades of grass covered.
Right then. Team news shortly, but after that it’s on, on, on.
Nick will be here shortly.
