It has become an annual tradition in Sydney to hate on people posting happy snaps of their European summer holidays while you can see your breath in the cold of your living room.
And the Fomo hits particularly hard this year, amid steep increases in rent, mortgage repayments and the cost of living.
But there is hope in these desperate times. Sydney is a cosmopolitan city, right? Australia competes in Eurovision? We have rocky beaches, bike lanes, public piazzas and expensive food.
So I decided to have a summer Euro trip of my own right here in the southern hemisphere. Here’s how it went.
A morning at the Italian Forum
Who needs Italy’s overcrowded water fountains and bustling piazzas when we have our own version right here in Leichhardt?
Sure, it’s largely derelict now, with only two cafes operating amid a sea of medical services, including a hip replacement specialist. But it still has its charm.
You’ll need to step past iconic shops such as “The Merchant of Venice” and the authorised Kappa wholesaler before you get to the forum itself, framed by shuttered windows and fake plants.
It’s still much easier to navigate than anything in Europe, with no crowds or pesky shop owners peddling their deals. Here you can have a morning coffee in total silence while you stare out at the painted cement and consider your life choices.
A rocky beach
Next it’s time to hit a beach, regardless of the weather.
Sydney is of course spoilt for choice for genuinely stunning beaches year round. And nothing screams “Europe” more than TikTok-famous Gordons Bay, with its surrounding unattainable housing and the lingering sense wealthy people are judging you.
Even on an winter morning the beach is not empty, lined with young people who are ignoring just how cold it is.
Lying in the sun and closing your eyes, you can just imagine yourself on the Algarve, until you try to get into the water. It was so cold, I was shocked back to reality.
Get cultured at an art gallery
You have a few options here. And while you may not get to see the Mona Lisa or the Sistine Chapel, you will also skip a two-hour queue thick with US tourists. We decided to hit up the Art Gallery of New South Wales, and were wowed by its new Sydney Modern wing.
Though surprisingly crowded for a midweek morning, the gallery is pleasant, as long as you ignore the surrounding construction sites and roadworks.
Time for an expensive lunch
Once you can no longer stand to hear the sound of a jackhammer while you stare at statues, lunch awaits.
And Sydney’s city centre is awash with options, which are mostly sandwiches at cafes that close too early.
Luckily we ended up stumbling upon a takeaway pizzeria in the heart of a very Sydney food precinct, which you know is authentically Sydney because everything is expensive and there is a queue.
I ate my $20 slice on the ground, hoping the seagulls menacingly stalking didn’t attack. An authentic Rome experience, really.
A bike ride through the city
Want to recreate the feeling of cruising around Amsterdam on two wheels? How about an unnecessary (and arguably dangerous) bike ride through a city that still doesn’t really cater to bikes?
First, you will need to source a bike. This isn’t hard, given the ugly electric rental bikes dotting most of inner Sydney, abandoned in frustration at street corners.
Once you have scrambled to download the app, pried the helmet free of its uncompromising grip and adjusted the seat so you’re not constantly toppling forwards, you can finally feel carefree.
Only you’ll need to navigate the lack of bike lanes through most of the city, incredibly angry drivers who seem to instinctively hate cyclists and annoyed pedestrians who also don’t like you.
You’ll also need to ensure you have enough money in your account for a bike ride – a 15-minute trip cost $16 – more expensive than an Uber. Carefree was never going to come cheap.
An early dinner
Once you’ve had time to rest and post to social media, it is time for an early dinner because it is too cold to do anything else.
Luckily though, Sydney has a incredible range of European and Mediterranean dinner options across its suburbs. You have your typical pasta joints and bistros, sensational Turkish food at places like New Star Kebab Family Restaurant, Aalia’s, Baharat and Izgara, great Egyptian food at Cairo Takeaway and Koshari Korner, Lebanese food at Jasmin1 and Nour, and incredible Greek restaurants, including Little Kalymnos Taverna and Yiamas.
We decided on Mediterranean-diaspora restaurant Baba’s Place for the special Sydney clout that comes with its expertly curated fit-out.
Find something to do at night
Finally, while you might be looking for a club or bar to go to at night in Mykonos or Ibiza, you’d be hard-pressed to find anything like that midweek in Sydney.
Your first hurdle will be to find somewhere that is still open, and your second hurdle will be to find somewhere that isn’t rubbish.
Instead, we decided to drive home and stare at flight prices before falling asleep.
