The art of flirting has come a long way from giving a wink of a twinkling eye. At an event held at the Guardian, founder of Flirtology and author of The Flirt Interpreter Jean Smith held an audience of 100 enthralled as she gave a three-hour class on how to flirt.
Opening with a session on ‘How to use anthropology in your partner search’, Smith explained that anthropological tools – interviewing a prospective partner and observing their behaviour, for example – aid our interactions when meeting people we’re attracted to, and help us discover that flirting can be fun.
Turning the audience’s focus to ponder on the uncomfortable topic, ‘The three reasons you are single’, Smith unpacked and dismissed the most common reasons people give for their single status: their looks, lack of available options, or their current context such as where they work or live. “The only reason you’re single,” Smith explained, “is because you’re not ready yet.” Going on to suggest this could be for a number of reasons, such as not being over a past relationship or having projects at work that need our full attention, Smith assured the audience that there’s no hurry: “Don’t put yourself on a depressed, default mode,” she explained, whereby you force yourself to go out and meet new people when you don’t really want to.
With her delegates reassured, next Smith divulged the two important factors involved in meeting people we’d be most likely to connect with: commonality and proximity. In terms of commonality, Smith believes we’re more likely to meet the right person in places where we like to be ourselves. Proximity refers to the frequency we see these other people. Research shows that we are more receptive to those people we see on a regular basis - even strangers we cross paths with in the street or at the shops. Smith explained this is because they become familiar to us, sometimes in a subconscious way.
For the third session of the evening, ‘How to be invincible against rejection and the secret to attraction’, Smith analysed different coping methods for rejection using what she learned from observing subjects in London and New York. The focus then switched to the question of how to attract someone, with Smith explaining that people are drawn to those who make them feel good about themselves. At the same time, being open, approachable and feeling good in ourselves makes us more attractive to others.
The fourth and final session explored confidence in being attractive to others; in short, how to know when someone is flirting with you. Using her amusingly named ‘H.O.T A.P.E’ acronym for clues, Smith advised her audience to show their interest in others, rather than tell them. To demonstrate how this is done, she initiated a break-out session encouraging attendees to mingle with each other for practice.
The Masterclass was warmly received, with one attendee, Amanda, describing it as a “fun, relaxed, practical instruction…(Smith) confirmed what you’re doing is right, and showed you what you need to adjust,” she continued, “It’s very nice to get some professional advice.”
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