The sky is purple as I walk up and down platform one at Sydney’s Central station on Thursday night. It’s 8.15pm and I have about 20 minutes to get in some last-minute steps before my 11-hour train to Melbourne. I’ve done the trip before and know to stretch beforehand. But tonight the scene in front of the XPT is different.
It is much busier than normal and the type of passengers boarding are different. There are young professionals, many in suits, and fashionably dressed trendy types. There is even a group of students who look like they’ve just walked out of a high-end vape shop. They’re all “first-timers”, as the train staff call them, and it looks like they think they’re about to board the Hogwarts Express.
They approach the XPT with a sense of wide-eyed excitement they will soon lose when they hear the service is fully booked (meaning it will be crowded). It will turn into disappointment when they learn there are no charging outlets or wifi – and then anger when they discover there is no mobile reception on board.
Let me explain how we got here.
Australian air travel is in chaos. Airlines are still reeling from Covid inactivity, fuel prices are high and there is soaring demand from travellers, which has meant Australians are facing record prices to fly this Christmas.
The consumer watchdog is wary of carriers deliberately running fewer services so they can keep air fares high.
I wrote in late November that Australians were opting for cheaper overnight trains and coaches to travel between Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane. Patronage on these routes has more than doubled in recent months and services are selling out. Then it dawned on me – I was about to become part of this trend.
I had a friend’s 30th birthday in Melbourne just days away and hadn’t booked flights yet. Faced with a fare of $500, I turned to the only sane option – the train. There are two services each day between Sydney and Melbourne and I opted for the overnighter and an economy-saver seat (not a sleeper) for $78.
As we entered the carriage and took our seats on Thursday night, an announcer warned first-time passengers to sit in their assigned seats. While some may look empty in Sydney, passengers will board at each of the 15 stops, in towns and cities such as Goulburn, Wagga Wagga and Albury.
Train officers, wearing Transport for NSW embroidered shirts, patrol the carriages throughout the night with small torches, flashing them in the faces of passengers who need to be woken up before their regional stops. So swapping seats is a big no-no.
The warning is repeated three times before our first stop – a measure staff have adopted to cope with the wave of first-timers taking the XPT in recent months due to unaffordable domestic air fares.
Carriages have rows of two seats on each side of a central aisle in economy and first class – the latter has seats that recline further with slightly more legroom. There is a limited number of sleeper cabins, which have sold out on our trip.
After warning against swapping seats for the fourth time, the announcer ends his welcome: “We’ll all be friends and we’ll get you to where you’re going.” I turn to the man in the seat next to me and smile. He grunts and turns to face the window.
Initially, the experience is pleasant, especially compared with flying. I’m tall – I stopped counting once I grew past 188cm – and as someone who ponders surgically shortening their legs every time a reclining plane seat crunches my kneecaps, the XPT legroom feels luxurious.
The aisle is also roomy – passengers can walk through the carriages without swiping those in aisle seats.
And where are they walking? In addition to the two bathrooms per carriage – which are roughly 50% bigger than an economy toilet on a plane – the buffet car is a big drawcard.
The hot meal menu is read out at the beginning of the trip and, heeding the advice of my former colleague Brigid Delaney, who took the XPT, I dodge the mango chicken curry option. Instead, I go for the roast turkey with vegetables. Main meals cost between $9.50 and $12.50.
When meals are ready for collection about 10pm, I walk to the buffet car to collect mine. Pies, sausage rolls, chocolates and salads are also on sale, as are cups of red and white wine – the train is a licensed venue and those smuggling their own grog will be warned. However, there is a bottleneck at the checkout, as the Eftpos machine processes slowly.
Why? Because it relies on a patchy internet connection and, as the clerk serving me explains, the metallic-tinted windows block out mobile reception. The effect is the equivalent of wearing a tinfoil hat to block mind-controlling waves.
My iPhone on Telstra goes between “SOS only” and one bar of 3G all trip, but can rarely load a simple webpage except for when the doors open at stops. “These trains weren’t built for Apple Pay,” the mulleted buffet worker says as he hands me my food in a box.
To be fair, when I take my roast back to my seat, it is hot, tasty and satisfying. However, many passengers either didn’t know about the buffet car or couldn’t wait for it to open. As soon as we pulled out of Central, passengers around me took out dinners they brought with them. The scent of a supermarket roast chook wafted past me and clashed with steam rising from a large tupperware container of garlic prawns being consumed to my right.
Ahead, a 20-something is quizzed for at least 10 minutes by the retiree sitting next to him about the difference between Oporto and Ogalo, after he unwrapped his burger from the former.
This enthusiasm in the cabin wears off fairly quickly and, when the carriage lights are turned off at 11pm, most passengers fall asleep.
Within 20 minutes, about three men in my surrounds are snoring violently. In a way, this is a testament to how comfortable the XPT service is, even in economy, and I’m glad for them. But in another way, at about 1am, I want to get violent with them. I try to think how they are all good samaritans, having opted for a travel mode with a responsible carbon footprint. But I still hate them.
At one point I go to the bathroom and return to see the loudest snorer sitting awake. I immediately try to race him to fall asleep first, but I’ve lost within a minute.
By the time we pull into Southern Cross station at about 7.40am, I’ve managed to get about seven hours of sleep. Unfortunately, these came in seven one-hour blocks, as I was woken by bright lights at most stops.
Overall, these issues can be addressed with an eye mask and earplugs. And a pillow will help soften your arm rest. Once you’ve embraced the cost savings, lower carbon footprint and longer trip tradeoff, the XPT makes for a pleasant service. It would be great for the tracks to be upgraded so trains could run faster – at times it feels painfully slow. Phone reception would also be a bonus, though it is nice to be forced to switch off. You’ll also save on airport transfers on both ends.
And Mother Earth will be smiling at you – even if you’re ready to punch your fellow passengers in the face.
