1. Try not to marry someone called Clinton. You will find that there is a glut of politicians with that name on the US market, which is presumably where you will enter politics.
2. Ideally try not to be married at all. Family and children are always the achilles heel of female politicians. You will be held accountable for your family in a way a male politician never would. And, if you stay married to Brad Pitt, make sure he doesn’t have a secret habit of tweeting pictures of his private parts to unsuspecting young women. Movie stars may be able to get away with this, but if you are the partner of a female politician, it is a certain career killer for her.
While we are on the subject of Brad, you need to start training him to sit in the audience at party conventions and gaze up at you with rapt attention and doe eyes while you are speaking. Then, when you actually finish the speech, he should spring to his feet, get on the platform and hold your hand. Resting his head on your shoulder is always a good touch. Brad is an actor. He should get the hang of it.
3. Invest in some smart shoes to give the media something to talk about. In 2014 the media still insist on talking about women politicians in terms of what they wear. Recently the Daily Mail felt not a flicker of shame in covering a whole cabinet reshuffle in terms of what the women who were promoted wore entering 10 Downing Street to receive the news:
“The new environment secretary is very patriotic in a red, white and blue ensemble consisting of a snake-skin navy dress and red jacket oddly finished with black patent shoes. Miss Truss, 38, MP for South West Norfolk and the former junior education and children minister, looked bright and sensible but a little bit too 80s air hostess.
“The new minister for planning and coastal communities Penny Mordaunt was alone in braving the no-jacket look. This rather tight, bright, purple dress – the £115 ‘Viola’ by LK Bennett – makes the most of 41-year-old Miss Mordaunt’s figure. But who knows what’s with the MP for Portsmouth North’s wrinkly nude shoes and big bag?.
“Treasury minister Priti Patel, 42, must be the first person in that post to wear giant polka dots – her dress, from high street favourite Wallis, costs £45. But that navy jacket looks like Ken Clarke was its last owner and those sensible shoes could have been worn by Baroness Thatcher. The MP for Witham’s bag is the more fashion-forward £595 ‘Hepburn’ by Aspinal of London”. There was more of this rubbish, but I will spare you.
4. Keep off the internet. Anonymity and new media have launched a breed of misogynist unheard of only a few years ago. They reserve a particular hatred for female politicians. They are not interested in debate, just in venting abuse that they would never dare utter if they met you face to face. So, unless you have an appetite for rape and death threats, leave the internet alone.
5. Finally, always remember why you went into politics. We live in an era of unreasoning politician hatred, both in Britain and America. Everyone has forgotten Winston Churchill’s words: “Democracy is a terrible system until you consider the alternatives.” But, if you always remember the people and the causes that you came into politics to fight for, that will carry you through.
