First world war centenary: how to monetise the heritage

Well I actually think Dave is right about the centenary? I mean we are all about being Gr8 BritOn in the global economy, obvs, how else can anyone in the luxury sector hope to monetise all that heritage, but I said to Mummy, it is not just about the Merkels and Heidi Klum, we need to respect the Schmidtmeister's feelings, but Govey just will NOT stop obsessing :(

Like, we are all in cabinet, and Dave goes it is thanks to Eric, I cannot say exactly how, that I know there are those *stares hard at Govey* who say we should literally use this occasion to re-enact the battle of Agincourt, or the Bulge or whatever, with all the senseless bloodshed that would entail, but Eric and I prefer something more historically inclusive, think the Kaiser meets Mary Seacole? And Govey goes well I would seriously like to know who won the war & Maria goes God me too, does anyone know it turned out? And Phil Hammond is like, all I know when you are cutting my budget is those graves cost a fricking fortune to keep up, just saying no offence do they really need ALL those roses?

I'm like, excuse me, speaking for the women of this country, two words – vintage kitbags? Then Picklesey goes, prime minister, taking inspiration from the Cronut, would not a positive way to remember the war to end all wars be a fun Anglo-German bake-off featuring themed comestibles that playfully reconcile the martial achievements of these equally major-league opponents, eg a colourful Hindenburg cake, or Flanders Mud Pie – we're all like AWESOME #sowrongit'sright. Except Govey is like, fine, dulce et decorum est, Dave goes c'mon Govey, what kind of pudding name is that, am I right Schmidty?

So Picklesy is I/C cakes and Maria will run warlolz and Mr Cobber goes Dave, mate, how perfect is "Crosby Textor – the firm that likes to say YES", as the slogan for an uber-tasteful WW1 celebration that won't piss off friend Kraut? Dave is like yesss, get IN - and people ask why I pay you Lynton you genius, & Mr Cobber goes, don't tell me mate, tell British American Tobacco and the Distilled Spirits Industry Council of Australia.