Sometimes I think I love First Dates a bit too much.
It’s all the flirting and delighted giggles; the deep breaths while Merlin fixes them a drink. Most of all, it’s the hope.
And yet, I’ve always found it easy to resist the charms of First Dates Hotel — a sort of Love Island version of the format featuring sunburn, abs and room service.
Yes, there is a joy in observing bright sunshine on bougainvillea and nervous people in white shirts tackling plates of spaghetti al pomodoro, but I’ve never been quite on board with Fred’s Amalfi Coast venture.
Funny what lockdown can change. Now that relaxed Italian summer holidays are things wistfully remembered from better times, and we’re counting down the days till even hugging a beloved friend or family member is OK again, the First Dates Hotel is a reminder of what living can be like. Of when going out was possible, and doing your hair involved more than hiding your roots or trimming a bit off the bottom with the kitchen scissors.
Among those layering on the cologne, mascara and massive bravado tonight are Stacey and Paul, who prove what all of us from the regions know to be true: nobody does getting dressed up better than the North-West. Although in Paul’s case, he’s having some problems from the knees down, having failed to bring any trousers on holiday.
Aside from making me wonder exactly how sunny Southport was when he headed to the airport, Paul’s predicament raises other questions: like who in the world takes their shorts off before their shoes? Yet here he is, unlacing his Converse in his pants.
Also getting ready, though in a thoroughly more low-key way, are Jonathan, a music professor, and Karen, a physiotherapist and healer, who kick off their date with an awkward stop-start conversation about Wolverhampton roundabouts. Both Chelsea and Reece meanwhile, young and anxious, are talking to their mums as they get ready.
There is a lot of mum-calling on First Dates Hotel, and they often provide lots of unsolicited alcohol advice. Reece’s mum is having a word about his choice of poolside tipple. Turns out downing red wine in an attempt to “look sophisticated” might not have been his finest work.
It is not a lesson Reece appears to have heeded, however. On his date with the sweet and funny Chelsea, he decides to see if his palate has matured since he last ate an oyster. The gagging suggests it hasn’t. “Do you want one?” he offers, having just about recovered himself. “Not now!” replies Chelsea. But what is a first date if you don’t do something slightly ludicrous?
At least Reece hasn’t whipped out a recorder like one of his fellow participants and started serenading his date through the medium of Greensleeves.
And I suppose that’s what First Dates Hotel has over the original, where you’re in the back of the taxi before there’s a whisper of recorder solo. Whether that’s a good thing, I’m still not sure.
First Dates Hotel is on Channel 4 tonight at 9pm
