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Liverpool Echo
Liverpool Echo
Lifestyle
Ffion Haf

Firefighter knew he needed help after he starting talking to his 'demon self'

An ex-firefighter has decided to open up about his experience with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder [PTSD] to raise awareness of the mental health condition.

Nick Dalby, 68, joined Merseyside Fire and Rescue in 1975, aged 21, and was discharged 20 years later due to an injury on duty. The physical injury had no sudden impact on Nick’s mental wellbeing, however, ten years ago his mental health began to decline.

His journey to getting help began gradually, he said: "I didn’t know I needed it but a whole load of other symptoms surfaced first, for example, I was training for marathons, no problems with my fitness at all, and I couldn’t breathe.

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"And then I started having nightmares, I was so tired during the day. I would sit down for a cup of tea, and suddenly jerk and two hours would have gone and I didn’t know where I was. I hadn't moved of course but it was like my head had gone and I'm all tense."

Nick told the ECHO: "If you listen to ‘Crawling’ by Linkin Park and visualise the despair that is evoked, that was my daily life.

"His songs are more about his life and he’s talking to someone, but for me I’m talking to myself in this song. Where it says things like ‘you don’t understand', he’s obviously talking to someone, but I’m talking to my demon self."

It was after these repeating occurrences that Nick knew he needed to reach out for help, after discussing his symptoms with a doctor, he was diagnosed with PTSD. Nick praises the support from Dr Lesley Walker from Heswall and Pensby Group Practice as a catalyst to his recovery.

When seeking support for his diagnosis, Nick found that the NHS were ill-equipped to support his needs, so he decided to reach out to the Fire Fighters Charity, where he was given specialised rehabilitation at one of their centres. He said: "So with my mental problem, the way the NHS is funded, there is no meaningful help at all. You get telephone conversions and I was offered CBT which was totally useless in my case.

"Because of the complexity of my case I needed to return for another week. They were able to allow my wife, Lydia, to stay with me to enable me to be supported 24 hours even though a nurse was always on hand.

"There are still triggers that bring the nightmares back but I am now able to confront them."

Speaking of the charity's support, Nick added: "They just get on with it, they deal with it, and see what you need and do it."

Nick is heading on a solo cycling journey to raise awareness for PTSD and the charity that supported his journey towards better mental health. Because of the huge impact the charity had on his life, Nick wants to support them and give back.

He has undertaken the decision to cycle 2,100 kilometers from the Wirral to Southern Spain with the aim of raising £2100.

Nick said: "I hope by laying myself bare it will give someone the strength to seek help."

He added: "Parts of the day are very tough, the rest of it is quite enjoyable really. It was a mad idea I thought of a while ago and I thought I’ve got to get on with it, so here I am."

Visit Nick's Just Giving Page here.

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