JACK’S KNACK’S BACK
Jack Wilshere has noticed something missing from the changing rooms at London Colney since returning for pre-season training, but due to a combination of singing rude songs about Tottenham and fantasising over 20 ciggies he was struggling to figure out what. Until last week that is, when a trip to Wembley appeared on the horizon and something pinged in his head: who will fill the Abou Diaby void and become Arsenal’s perpetually injured figure of fun?
Wilshere, kind soul that he is, has volunteered by sustaining a serious dose of leg knack that will see him miss the Greatest League in the World’s big kick-off and assume the mantle vacated by Diaby, who can now be found hobbling around Marseille’s funkily-roofed Vélodrome, bellowing: ‘Je suis en bonne santé! Je suis en bonee santé!’ and generally fooling nobody apart from himself.
The biggest surprise, though, is that Arsène Wenger was genuinely surprised Wilshere has been injured. “I had a bad surprise because it is a hairline crack in his fibula that makes him a few weeks out,” a bemused Wenger said, taking a break from watching Ian Wright’s two goals in the 1990 FA Cup final for the second time in a week. Maybe Wenger has forgotten that last season Wilshere (or maybe Diaby 2.0 – now with added nicotine?) missed 26 games due to an ankle injury. The campaign before he missed 22. In 2011-12 he only missed the entire season due to three different injuries. Injury prone, is the phrase most would use, but Wenger prefers “surprise”.
Still, he has at least made more of an impact than his predecessor by virtue of occasionally turning up to play. “I regret I wasn’t able to express all of my qualities and all my potential,” Diaby said after signing for Marcelo Bielsa’s Ligue 1 team, though let’s remember he was the longest-serving member of Wenger’s squad before departing, making 125 appearances in nine years but managing only 16 minutes in his final two seasons. As for the reason behind Diaby signing for Marseille? “What motivated my choice was knowing which club would help me best medically. That was really my priority.”
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The problems are in defence, midfield and attack” – Meeeelan coach Sinisa Mihajlovic gives his goalkeeper a ringing endorsement.
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FIVER LETTERS
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PREMIER LEAGUE PREVIEWS
It’s T for Tottenham and W for Watford as our Premier League season previews keep rumbling along.
VOTE! VOTE!! VOTE!!!
It’s the return of our Premier League polls: who will win the league? Who will be the top scorer? Who will get relegated? Who will get the sack first and who will turn out to be the season’s best signing?
BITS AND BOBS
Wales are ninth in the latest Fifa world rankings, ahead of Spain, Holland and Chile. Yup.
Ángel Di María has finally completed the most drawn out transfer of the summer, riding the Do One express all the way from Manchester United to PSG by way of Qatar.
After seeing how Chelsea have been getting on in pre-season, Manchester City’s Manuel Pellegrini is pretty certain his side are going to win the Premier League. “I am absolutely sure that we are going to have a very successful season,” he whooped.
Bobby Martínez has said that, oddly enough, John Stones has noticed that Chelsea are interested in him.
Sunderland have borrowed Yann M’Vila from Rubin Kazan for a season.
Northampton Town whelp Ivan Toney is now Newcastle whelp Ivan Toney after joining for an undisclosed fee.
STILL WANT MORE?
Manchester United and Ángel Di María. Oh dear, frets Jamie Jackson.
The return of the Premier League, goalkeeping acrobatics and Flamengo v Atletico Mineiro in the 1981 Copa Libertadores (obviously!) appear in this week’s edition of Classic YouTube.
What sort of shape are the last Premier League season’s top six in? This sort of shape.
The reason Jacob Steinberg put on some big hooped earrings, knotted a handkerchief around his head and carried a crystal ball under his arm was not just to make his friends laugh but also because he has been predicting what will happen in the Championship next season.
Gregg Bakowski stopped pottering around the coffee shops of Stoke Newington long enough to pick a Premier League summer signings XI that cost the same as one Raheem Sterling.
Ever wondered what it takes to become a referee? No, us either but Andy Ryan and Martin Naylor did and they’ve put down some words about it
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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