This happened every day for a week — our 12-year-old son coming back from school, not making eye contact, hardly eating, remaining aloof and sometimes lashing out for seemingly trivial things. The gentle probing of my wife and I did not elicit any response. We told him he could talk to us whenever he felt comfortable. And, after a few days, he did.
The source of the problem was the tiffin he took to school — the non-vegetarian dishes. Some of his classmates spoke disparagingly of his food habit, repeatedly asked him to wash his hands after eating, and asked other students not to sit near him.
He did complain to his class teacher, who, according to him, brushed him aside. After sharing his problem with us, he seemed to calm down. But downcast, he asked not to be given any non-vegetarian tiffin.
Yes, that was a way out, as some friends and colleagues with children in other schools in the city had done. However, would this route of avoidance help our son deal with problems in the future? We decided it was best to address than to avoid the problem. We discussed with him the need to confront the prejudice. We told him that food habits are an intrinsic aspect of a culture, and India has a composite culture.
A large section of the Indian population consumes non-vegetarian food. We were from a State in the eastern part of India where more than 95% ate non-vegetarian food, but are now living in a northern State where only about 50% did so. So there was no need to feel defensive about his food habits, and as the school did not have any food policy, there was no need to avoid.
As we had suggested, he patiently explained his food choice to those classmates who troubled him. We could not blame them as they most likely picked up this prejudice from their homes. It did not take long: those classmates understood that it was “eat as you like”!
Blame inaction
Coming from an advantaged socio-economic background, our son will perhaps understand what it is to be made felt different. His unhappiness was not as much with those classmates who made fun of him, as with the inaction of the teacher. It is not just the action and insensitivity of the perpetrators, but the inaction and apathy of the protectors which affect victims more.
When he will step into the role of a protector, he may recognise the symptoms early and develop empathy for those facing prejudice.
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