Parliament’s figs trees are flopping about, it seems, and it is costing the government £10,000 to stand them up straight (they already cost £20,000 a year to maintain.)
Any plant grown indoors is going to suffer to some extent from leaning; light issues, warm conditions and plenty of water mean you’ll get lush, but often weak growth. Still, we have got plenty of expertise in this country in growing houseplants; we have been growing huge specimens indoors since the Victorian era, and anyone who has ever been to Kew knows it is entirely possible to have towering tropical trees that stand upright.
The figs in question, Ficus benjamina, are popular houseplants; you can buy tiny specimens for bonsai or, like parliament’s, great whoppers. They are notorious for their fast-growing roots. If the plant is happy and given room to roam, the roots are known to uplift patios, pavements and even driveways when grown outside in warmer climates. The US Forest Service suggests growing them as hedges in warmer conditions, because their roots are notoriously keen to find better conditions. In short, even if parliament does get them to stand up straight, it might still face other issues.
It could get out its pruners or it could just choose some more restrained specimens. The obvious choice is something from the palm family: lady palm, Rhapis excelsa; slender lady palm, Rhapis humilis; kentia palm, Howea forsteriana; or the butterfly palm, Dypsis lutescens are all ideal indoor palm trees because they are slow growing with tame roots and require not much more than bright, but not direct, light and regular watering.
If graceful palms bust the parliamentary budget, then it could consider an umbrella tree, Schefflera actinophylla, with its attractive spoke-like leaves. These are cheap as chips and grow very fast. They like bright, but indirect light: direct sun will scorch the leaves. If they grow a little too lanky, chop the plant in half – it quickly responds. If parliamentary officials were really struggling, they could go for everyone’s favourite, the Swiss cheese plant, Monstera deliciosa. The normal indoor specimen might just be several feet high, but, given room to roam, this evergreen shrub can reach over 9m (30ft) tall and does so fairly rapidly. They could go and buy them from Ikea, which sells loads of them.
