The first image from the Fifty Shades of Grey film has appeared, and anyone hoping it might encapsulate the heart of a novel full of S&M chafing against innocence and dubious internal monologue will be disappointed. It's merely Jamie Dornan, playing Christian Grey, holding the wheel of a car and gazing through a reflection-clogged windscreen.
True, the car's leather trim meeting Dornan's leather jacket could be a sly hint at the flogging to come, but it's a whimsical reading at best. Dornan's gaze meanwhile is pretty unreadable: the mouth says "I'd really like to claim your ass, Anastasia," but the eyes say "no, I don't want my wing mirrors washed while I'm at these traffic lights."
This isn't the only still image this week that's disappointed. An image from Paddington, now without Colin Firth as its central voice, featured Paddington Bear in front of Buckingham Palace looking not adorably lost, but at the moment of liberating calm when he realises, yes, I'm actually going to murder the Queen. His fur is darkly hued, his duffel coat could definitely conceal a rusty shank, and his hat is the kind of thing worn by psychopathic fishermen in teen slasher films. Tumblr had a field day.
Last month there was the first pic from Kill Your Friends, a film adaptation of the incendiary music industry novel from John Niven, starring Nicholas Hoult as a violent egomaniac drunk on the excesses of Britpop. The image suggests that a little gelled quiff is a really good look for you, Nicholas Hoult. JJ Abrams' first pic from the Star Wars set meanwhile, pulling the veil from a franchise full of fantastical imagery, was of a clapperboard.
And last year there was Nymphomaniac, which like Fifty Shades is a tale of sexual depravity given a totally bland first glimpse. Its later poster campaign, with Gainsbourg et al pictured at the point of orgasm, is one of the greatest ever, but its first image was of someone lying fully clothed outside in a grubby yard. It didn't exactly scream reblog, but announced that this would be sex at its most empty and meaningless.
These shots are becoming part of an arguably cowardly PR standard: lower expectations, then slowly ramp them up via a drip-feed of ever more tempestuous images, trailers and interviews. But then, as Christian Grey knows, the tease heightens the climax.
