Fernando Torres

"If you play him, he will score," booms Blake Gladman. Unless it's against Wigan, Blake. Photograph: /x

"The first thing Fernando learned before he moved to Liverpool was how to tell the difference between Dirk and Peter," chuckles the man they call Andy Ferguson. Photograph: /x

"The speedy Spaniard has been impressing the Scousers this season," giggles Adam Roylance. Um, wasn't that little mouse fella Mexican? Photograph: /x

"Viva el nino!" cries David Sweeney, who might just support Liverpool. Photograph: /x

Philip Jones likes to listen to his Tori Amos albums before embarking on a spot of Photoshopping. "Only £20m or so can buy you a man capable enough to do all the required trimming to a high enough standard." Photograph: /x

Martin Myers came up with this lip-smacking effort: "'Fernando will be rotated like all my other forwards,' said Rafa defiantly." Photograph: /x

"While Dirk may look Kuyt Carmen on the wing/ Though Voronin may burrow in/ And Crouch can hit the high notes in the aria/ It is Fernando Torres-adore when he's on song". Michael McGrath exercises his lungs with this one. Photograph: /x

"There was something in the air that night," chimes Howard Jones. Toilet humour it may be, but it's still funny. Photograph: /x

Reuben Duffy reckons Rafa has bought a pretty expensive bench-warmer. Photograph: /x

Here's Dan Norton: "Liverpool fans hoped their prima ballerina would perform a turnout." Photograph: /x

Fernando's latest haircut reminds Chris McMillan of someone ... Photograph: /x

Chris Ansom's effort is fairly self-explanatory. Photograph: /x

As is John Barry's, we suppose. Photograph: /x

Joseph Duca brings us this Harry Potter-inspired effort. Photograph: /x