A new study has found that “queen bee syndrome”, the behaviour displayed by women who make it to the top and then pull up the career ladder behind them, is a myth. Unfortunately, this research is about 40 years too late – it’s already done working women untold damage.
Perhaps if we hadn’t been merrily using the “women don’t like other women” excuse for the last 40 years we wouldn’t now be struggling to make just a quarter of FTSE boards female. The UK wouldn’t languish at number 26 on the World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap report and we might, heaven forbid, have got rid of the pay gap. This lazy stereotype has held women back, and now it needs to buzz off.
Madeleine Albright, the former US secretary of state, once said that “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women”. She knew that without the support of each other, we’d never get anywhere, and every day I find another thriving women’s network, supporting each other in their daily lives. So why have women spent so long blaming themselves for the lack of female representation at the top of business? I suspect because it’s easier than accepting that some women make great bosses and some don’t.
My first proper job was working as the PA of a woman in a senior public sector role. Known as a bit of a tyrant, the reason she employed me was to make sure there was someone in the office at 8.30am to make her tea. She didn’t like to make it herself and if she wanted another cup she’d walk out of her office, past the kettle and place her mug on my desk. I did the job for nearly a year, about six months longer than anyone else had lasted. Many years later, she was speaking at an event I was covering. At the end of the talk I went up to her and reintroduced myself. She looked me up and down, before saying “Well, I wouldn’t have recognised you” and walking off.
It would be easy to dismiss this as queen bee syndrome in action but the reality is that I’ve met, and worked for, men who are just the same. I’ve also met and worked for men and women who give their time generously and who care about their employees’ success as much as their own. Queen bee syndrome is little more than selfishness, a trait we seem to be comfortable with in men but not in women. So the next time you come across a terrible female boss, ask yourself if she’s really a queen bee or one of these stereotypes instead:
The “me before you” boss: It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and while I wish we could all be helping each other climb the corporate ladder, the reality is that sometimes you have to throw someone under the bus. If your boss has done this to you it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s a cold, corporate bitch, it might just mean that she cares more about her career than about yours. The harsh truth is that that’s how people get ahead. If we accept it in men, we need to accept it in women too. Do the same and you might end up overtaking her.
The bad communicator: They leave you to your own devices, don’t bother to tell you what the company’s long-term plans are and you’re not sure where they disappear to on a Friday afternoon. This isn’t someone protecting their place at all costs, it’s just a manager who doesn’t understand that you might not be able to read their mind. They assume that if you haven’t asked you either don’t care, or you already know. Unfortunately, they have probably had hundreds of reports point this out to them in 360 appraisals and they’ve never got any better. Don’t expect them to change now.
The woman in a man’s world: They have spent the last 30 years grinding away in a male-dominated industry, doing their best to not stand out. They’ve denied they have a family, spent a fortune on trouser suits and taken up golf even though they hate it. The reality is that these were the original trailblazers, the ones who set the path for every woman behind them. They also tend to have an attitude of, “Well, I managed it so stop complaining”. But don’t resent them for that, instead feel sorry for them. They’ve spent the best part of their life fighting so it must be galling to see someone who doesn’t feel they need to. So thank them and wish them well. They might be the original queen bees but they were also the ones who made space in the hive.
