What is it with vampires? Despite the fact that they are forced to spend the whole of eternity unable to eat, loads of the food obsessives I know seem to be fascinated with them. This is presumably why Gina Meyers thought there was enough scope to write Love at First Bite: The Unofficial Twilight Cookbook.
It is as dreadful as you might expect from an author who has the audacity to give her self-published book a five star review on Amazon without the benefit of a pseudonym, and I feel sorry for some of those who give it less than glowing reviews, such as the poor hapless woman who says, "I thought that this cookbook would teach me how to cook for my boyfriend, but instead it pretty much made him dump me".
While some of the recipes aren't too bad, the links between them, Bella (the drippy heroine of the piece) and her world are tenuous at best; a butterscotch dessert is included because Bella's eyes are described as being the same colour.
Meyers makes a stab at appealing to all Twilight fans. The teens are given instructions for proms and hosting Twilight themed parties, complete with non alcoholic cocktails (the unimaginative "Bella Temple", or "Blushing Bella"), while the adults are expected to get a thrill from drinking a "Bad Vampire" or a "Wicked Gin and Tonic" (just a regular G&T to the rest of us). Worst of all are Meyers' attempts to Gothicise some of the food: "Bat chips" are flour tortillas cut with a bat cookie cutter and grilled, and there is nothing remotely monstrous about the hardboiled "Monster Eggs."
I know I sneer, but it's the poor execution that horrifies me as this sort of book can be done well. I personally wouldn't object to a True Blood cookbook as I am a fan of Southern cooking and can readily imagine how it could be done with as much flair as The Sopranos cookbook. The Twilight book is a missed opportunity – it could have been a brilliant way to get unenthusiastic teenagers into the kitchen, but instead I feel it insults their intelligence.
Yes, it's fun, even exciting to recreate dishes from favourite TV shows, books and films, or to dress up and disguise our food as long as – and this is key – it tastes good. The wonderful A Zombie Ate My Cupcake is an excellent example. I love Lily Vanilli's macabre creations, and the book exploits her own self-confessed fascination with gore without making you feel sick (unlike Nigella's emetic blood and pus jelly from Feast). The recipes turn the whole awful cutesy cupcake concept on its head; a variety of properly flavoured sponges are decorated with realistic looking beetles and ragworms fashioned from marzipan, gingerbread gravestones, zombie hands, bleeding hearts, lurid skulls inspired by the Mexican Day of the Dead and a witty Sweeney Todd's Surprise. A classy looking and elegant black rose (the recipe for a whole cupcake is here) is as girly as it gets.
This book is one of a growing number which appeal to adults as well as children. In a way we've come full circle – for generations the ornate and theatrical centrepieces of the banqueting hall have given way to artifice more suited to the children's party. Instead of using Mrs Marshall's elaborate moulds, we have sugar mice (the Romans glazed real mice in honey), caterpillar birthday cakes and gingerbread houses with boiled sweet windows. Now, however, an adult need for escapism and nostalgia seems to have overtaken us – we have Bompas and Parr recreating the Great Fire of London in jelly (complete with fire) and showing us how do so. Then there's Heston's Fantastical Feasts. For inspiration, his book is second to none, and I can quite easily imagine using elements of the perfectly executed Hestonstein's Monster and The Gourmand Graveyard.
So Gina Meyers, in her attempt to appeal to all factions of Twilight fans, knew full well that adults want the thrill of the fantastical and romantic in their food just as much as children and teenagers, she just didn't have the imagination to do it with any elan. Fortunately, the others I've mentioned do.
But what do you think - assuming it still tastes good, is artifice in food a waste of time and effort? And who would have loved to elbow those minor celebrities out of the way in order to get at Heston's Hansel and Gretel House?
