1.
“Tell me, do your truisms encourage characters to embrace their true feelings even though your existence is ultimately superfluous to the narrative arc?” *beeeep* “NURSE! THE END CREDITS!”
2.
Tragic misdiagnosis by Dr Brilliant-Yetflawed leads to protracted You Did Everything You Could/You Can’t Keep Blaming Yourself/Nobody Can Second-Guess Eczema Michael story arc.
3.
Routine CPR panic becomes emotionally invested CPR panic when too-busy-for-love consultant realises attractive flatlinee is long-lost ex-girlfriend. “Don’t give up on me now, Linda!” etc.
4.
Eccentric pensioner’s appalling manners mask long-concealed Personal Tragedy® that will eventually help to forge A New Understanding™ between previously estranged family members.
5.
Plucky tween dispenses selfless deathbed insights into blossoming ward romance (“He’s, like, scared of commitment?”), thus putting the pal into – hey – palliative care.
6.
Camera sweeps past Dr Holds-Clipboard, whose job consists of always being there while never actually doing anything, a phenomenon known as The Charlie Off Of Casualty Paradox™.
7.
“It’s the trust,” scowls a department head, peering out at overflow carpark. “It’s cutting our funding in a scrupulously apolitical pastiche of real-life current affairs.”
8.
Veteran guest actor admitted with condition commensurate with perceived level of gravitas. Stroke or aneurysm for a Blessed or Havers, then; worms for a Conley or Chuckle.
9.
Bookish registrar thinks mystery illness is lupus because it’s always lupus but preoccupied maverick thinks it’s something obscurer because (*checks fob watch*) it’s 48 minutes till News at Ten.
10.
“You don’t understand, nurse,” splutters freshly admitted vicar. “I have TWO ARSES”. Cue gasps among senior staff, who haven’t seen anything like this since the episode with the four-balled tramp.
