But enough of this literary crap, let's look at the world of sapphism. And my God, it's been busy recently. Truly, it's Christmas come early for certain British tabloids. All we need now is Kate Moss to snort coke and Princess Beatrice to go out in something bigger than size 10 dress and nirvana will have been reached.
So the Sun is getting all wet dream-tastic over photos of Lindsay Lohan apparently cuddling her "close friend", Samantha Ronson. LiS was momentarily excited, too, as I briefly thought it was that sodding ubiquitous model Agynensness Wotsit but actually it turns out she is Mark Ronson's sister and, frankly, the predictable zeitgeistiness of the whole thing is just too tedious - almost as tedious as the utter barrenness of this story which has been around for almost a year.
But it's really the Daily Mail that is having a full on
fricking field day with the story that Jodie Foster has left her longterm girlfriend for, um, another. My God, has any story ever had more Mail appeal? Famous woman reveals emotional need! Yay! And she's gay! Amazing! AND it can be twisted into a tale of almost soap operatic drama, involving heartless seducer, susceptible fool and distraught victim! Brilliant! AND the story involves references to women older than 25, cue plenty of references to "weather beaten" and "frumpy" appearances! Fucking Ace! All this tale needs now is a picture of Jodie showing some cellulite and Paul Dacre and Allison Pearson would probably start mating on the office desks in ecstasy, like overexcited seals, flapping and grunting in joy.
Best of all is how the Daily Mail manages to drag out this not very interesting story. Jodie has left her longterm partner for someone who looks a bit different - shocking! Who has ever heard of such perversion? Hard to say which is my favourite part of this piece. Maybe the bit about where it blames her "struggling" career on her age before swiftly shifting that to her sexual preferences - yeah, that's good. As is its use of such lesbian lingo as "galimony" - oh, how down with it can you get? But no, I think the winner has to be when it somehow manages to link the fact that Jodie was raised by a single gay mother to her recent "ruthless act" (a.k.a., breaking up with someone.) Oh mothers - aren't they terrible, etc and so forth.
Yup, you can really hear the Pearson and Dacre bellies slapping together, can't you?
