1
Dancers in white “snow” bikinis in front of a white “snow” grand piano with “snowflakes” taped to the ceiling.
2
A “dance hit of the year” featuring Anne-Marie looking bored as she makes her third consecutive appearance.
3
The year’s most universal US hit, conspicuous only by its makers’ absence.
4
Presenter Clara Amfo pondering, apropos of nothing, whether you have eaten too much turkey.
5
Presenter referencing a “legendary” artist who’s still under 26.
6
Fearne … Cotton making the auto … cue’s scripted ad libs sound … like … Pinter …pauses.
7
A jarringly wintry performance of an Ibiza summer banger.
8
Artists grinning as they finally fulfil their childhood dream of appearing on TOTP in front of their parents.
9
Post Malone in a Christmas jumper.
10
Baffling insider statistics designed to make tracks sound more impressive: “Broke the record for most non-consecutive weeks inside the Top 15 for a non-brass trio.”
Top of the Pops, Christmas Day, 12.30pm, BBC One
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