FA Cup semi-finalists

"There's pandemonium in the stands as Barnsley progress to the finals," says a cynical Toby Knight. "Everyone agrees that the absence of the 'big four' has been great for the competition." Photograph: /x

"Everyone knows that club mascots are always up for a punch-up, so why not make it an official pre-match event?" demands Martin Nicholson "Here we see Toby Tyke taking a mean right hook from Cardiff's Bartley the Bluebird, whilst Baggie Bird and Frogmore cheer them on." Photograph: /x

"Confusion reigns as eagerness to flog Wembley sees Portsmouth, George Michael and the Miami Dolphins all turn up to contest the FA Cup semi-final," chuckles Sean Kearney Photograph: /x

Alan Neill may not be able to spell 'definitely', but he can take the mickey with the best of them. Photograph: /x

"Whatever happened to the big guns?" asks Ian Hudson Photograph: /x