A sexpert says scheduling time for intimacy can save a failing relationship - and even credits it with rescuing her own. Holly Robinson, 34, believes pre-planning intimacy and sex could have “huge” benefits for sexual wellbeing - in the same way as “scheduling therapy for mental health”. The sex coach, who founded the Hormone Hub with best friend Rachel Anderson, 34, often recommends scheduling sex to struggling couples.
But says pencilling other forms of intimacy - such as cuddles and massages - in the diary is even more important as sex itself. Holly makes time with her partner every day for intimacy, sex and deep discussions. Holly said: “I genuinely don’t think my relationship would have survived if it weren’t for scheduling intimacy.
“We both work, we both have kids, we have devices coming out of our ears and it can be really disconnecting. We had to consciously choose to reconnect with each other. Obviously I’d much rather have spontaneous sex as and when the moment is right, but realistically that can be challenging.
“Why not just schedule an hour a day to be with each other completely? This doesn’t have to just be about sex - if I’m not in the mood for it, it could just be something as simple as a cuddle. Then, if it leads to sex, it leads to sex. I’d absolutely recommend making space for intimacy in our busy lives.
"It can save relationships."
The sex empowerment coach believes it's healthy to schedule sex at different times of the day, rather than only ever allowing time for intimacy before going to sleep. She said: “We’re all really busy - a lot of us have children and sex will often be the last thing we do with our partners at the end of the night, just before we go to sleep. It drops down the list of priorities. Going from only having sex before bed to scheduling sex can cause some unnecessary pressure - which can then be a turn-off.
“But, if we start by holding space for intimacy - kisses, cuddles, massages - even some variations of mindful sex like tantra, it can have a huge impact on struggling relationships.”
Holly also highlights the importance of making time to talk about sex and intimacy, as well as the acts themselves. She said: “It’s about showing your partner they matter - as well as making yourself heard. During this time, you can talk about what you need from your intimacy and sex - maybe it’s more foreplay, or less focus on penetration.
“You can also ask questions such as - ‘how can I make you feel nice?”
Holly’s top tips for scheduling sex:
- Don’t put all the emphasis on sex - try making time for more kissing, cuddling, massages or even intimate conversation.
- Mindful practices like meditation also count as intimacy - 30 minutes of controlled breathing a day can bring people closer together.
- Don’t go into it with any preconceptions - creating space to fine-tune your sex life is as important as therapy for your mental health.
- Try having sex at different times of the day, rather than last thing at night. It’s about making yourself and your partner feel prioritised!
