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Daily Mirror
Daily Mirror
Saffron Otter

Expert responsible for 1,200 marriages explains where it can go wrong before it's begun

A matchmaker responsible for 1,200 marriages has revealed the secrets behind playing cupid this Valentine's Day - and where it can go wrong.

Anuradha Gupta, 49, started her matchmaking service after living in London and struggling to find her match organically.

She now helps singletons across the globe with her business, Vows for Eternity, and uses a meticulous set of criteria for bringing people together.

Her clients, who must hit an eligibility criteria to become members, start off by answering a 100-question questionnaire before a two-hour Zoom call so they can get to know them.

Anuradha says you need to be in the right mindset before entering a relationship (Getty Images)

Anuradha looks at a person's values, personality traits and what makes them tick, and once both members give their nod of approval, they introduce them.

"To begin with, a person needs to be in the right frame of mind to get into a serious relationship leading to marriage," Anuradha, speaking with the Mirror, explains about how it all works.

"When looking at values, we mean - some people, largely south Asians value higher education and professional success more than they would religion or community, while for others it may be different.

"Some people value upbringing which includes preferences such as vegetarianism, proximity to family etc and all those factors go into the search process.

"Our questionnaire is quite introspective - we hope to understand things that are important to a person's search. We ask about family, what qualities they look for in another person, and how they would describe themselves.

"Our video chat also asks about how they value their friendships and family."

The expert says their values must align (Getty Images)

When it comes to whether or not opposites attract, the matchmaker believes couples must have a similar background for it to work.

"We certainly don't believe that you need to find a clone of yourselves and opposites can attract," she asserts.

"We must be able to learn new things from a relationship and that is important at every stage. But a certain similarity in how one grows up, socio-economics and education have always been a plus point in bringing two people together."

Anuradha started Vows for Eternity, which has members based in the UK, USA, India, Canada and Dubai, in 2012. But the idea came about much earlier.

She had been working for Arsenal Football Club in London and most people she knew were coupled up or married.

She was 33 at the time, and although in her culture it was the norm for arranged marriages, she didn't want one - but didn't know how else to find someone either.

Anuradha went in search of a global matchmaking service but found what she was looking for didn't exist, and so later created her own platform.

The CEO, who married her husband Anand in 2009, admits that while it has never been easier to meet someone if you're looking for something casual, modern dating can be a challenge.

"With so many dating apps available, you might find yourself swiping left on a person that misrepresents themselves in their profile," she says.

Anuradha doesn't think dating apps are the best place to find a potential husband or wife (Anuradha Gupta)

"They may get away with this at first, but it's likely to cause frustration and disappointment on the first date. This happens so often that many people have become accustomed to being treated badly on dating apps, which can result in burnout and disillusionment when wanting to find a quality connection.

"Dating apps can become tedious - especially if you're constantly being catfished, ghosted or dealing with emotionally unavailable partners. If one is looking for something deeper and more meaningful, then it's getting harder and harder. That's where we come in.

"Matchmakers do the hard work for you and facilitate authentic connections by arranging 'introductions' between two like-minded individuals like a friend or well-wisher would. Unlike dating apps, which are essentially a self-service experience, we provide a more personalised experience and high-touch human connection."

Over the years, Anuradha has learnt that it's important for singles to be in the right frame of mind before searching for a partner.

It's where some people go wrong, she says, if they're not ready to commit or are experiencing emotions that haven't been dealt with.

"Dealing with emotional baggage is almost always a dead end for a new relationship," the expert explains.

"Self love and investing in your emotional and physical well-being is integral. Loving the other person without healing or loving yourself first can lead to a lot of toxicity.

"The moment we don't rely on others for self-love and we are in control, the shift happens from being a magnet that repels, to a magnet that has a strong draw."

Anuradha also says acceptance and respect in relationships are of the utmost importance for them to work.

"The weight of expectations is another big one - wanting the other person to conform to your definition of how they should behave, how they should dress etc - is not healthy. Acceptance is key.

"Allowing each other the space to evolve, to flourish and to encourage each other to follow their dreams is important.

"I have also learnt to focus on what one needs as opposed to what one wants. I have learnt that the relationships that make it are those where both people can be themselves and feel understood."

The matchmaker is responsible for 1,200 marriages, but the success rate averages at about 30 to 35 per cent.

Generally, it takes people about 18 months to find the right person, she says.

Anuradha: "Sometimes, despite best efforts, unfortunately, they don't find their person.

"I wish I had a magic wand and it worked for everyone, but I don't.

"Even if we can't find the perfect match for everyone, we often receive positive feedback and are told by our clients that they have gained a sense of clarity about what they're looking for, which has helped them find their match later on".

Do you have a story to share? Please get in touch at webfeatures@trinitymirror.com

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