TEARS, TEA AND PSG
The first story snapped on the Press Association’s news wires at 10.02am. The Everton manager, Sam Allardyce, had revealed what he was going to be doing next season: precisely what he is doing now. “We discussed plans for next season yesterday,” he said. “We have some clarity moving forward now.” Did this mean, he was asked, that he would definitely still be at Goodison Park in August? “Didn’t I just say that?” he barked. Well, not in so many words, thought the audience. “For clarification, yes.”
At 12.45pm Reuters reported that Paris Saint-Germain’s boss, Unai Emery, had revealed what he wasn’t going to be doing next season: what he is doing now. “I have told the players I’m leaving,” he sniffed. “I thank President Nasser al-Khelaifi, the director of sport Antero Henrique, the supporters and all the players for these two seasons.” Just five minutes later another story broke. As Emery released his statement Barcelona’s Andrés Iniesta revealed that he too would be packing his bags come the summer. “This is my last season here,” he sobbed. “There are still things to be sorted. I have said I will never play against Barça, so I won’t play in Europe. Barça has given me everything.”
In early January, just after the denizens of Britain have trudged unwillingly back to work following the end of the Christmas and New Year festivities, there is a single day which travel agents identify as their busiest of the year. It is as if, after digesting our turkey and recovering from our hangovers, we collectively decide that we need something to look forward to, and that a sunshine break in Lanzarote could be it. A couple of weeks later, at the start of the third full week of the year, there is a day that has come to be known as Blue Monday, in which we are generally – according to a possibly made-up press release once that everyone was too depressed to disbelieve – at our most miserable.
But football runs to a different calendar, one that starts with pre-season training in June and ends for most in May. For a player there is little to be decided in January except for the perennial glove/legging question about whether to prioritise looking cool over feeling warm. Where most of us crumble after Christmas, footballers ebb after Easter. And here we stand, on the last Friday of April, with league fixtures running out, cup glory still within reach of very few, and people at the top of the game in three different nations coming to conclusions about their futures.
Something, it seems, is in the air. Allardyce would probably insist that he was acting independently, as the only things he likes to see in the air are footballs, but this simply cannot be coincidence. We only require a publicity-hungry psychologist to coin a term for it, and it will officially be a Thing. Expect more bandwagon-jumping departures over the next few days, starting with relegation-bound West Brom: frequently off-target, finally on-trend.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“If God wants, Neymar and I will play together at Real Madrid” – in a rare red-hot chat, 17-year-old soon-to-be £39m Real Madrid striker Vinícius Júnior talks to Thiago Rabelo about Flamengo, pressure, violence in Rio and his World Cup hopes.
THE FIVEЯ
Yes, it’s our not-singing, not-dancing World Cup Fiver. Out every Thursday lunchtime BST, here’s the latest edition, on Belgium.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Following the news that $tevie Mbe is in the running to slip into the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers hot seat, could this be another opportunity for him to prevent Brendan Rodgers from winning a league title?” – James Smart.
“The planned move of the Jacksonville Jaguars to the national stadium, coupled with the potential move of Stoke City to the first circle of hell that is the Championship, must give great cheer to the sporting media and football lovers everywhere (obviously this excludes The Fiver). It means that their favourite cliche can survive the demise of The Potters by exporting it, with minor modification, to the USA! USA!! USA!!! ‘The Jags are good but can they cut it on a wet, windy night at Wembley?’” – Mike Hollis.
“Arsène Wenger’s first European match with Arsenal was a 1-1 draw with PAOK Salonika in 1997. They dominated the game and then gifted the opposition a late equaliser as central midfielders didn’t track back and the defending was hapless. “Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose” as the great Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr said back in 1849 …” – Noble Francis.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … James Smart.
RECOMMENDED VIEWING
Riley McGree’s stunning backheel volley lights up the flamin’ A-League semi-final between Newcastle Jets and Melbourne City. Woof!
THE RECAP
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BITS AND BOBS
Pope’s Newc O’Rangers are anxiously waiting at the end of the phone line after teeing up $tevie Mbe to be their new manager.
Regrets? José Mourinho has a few. The Manchester United manager has admitted “episodes and words” involving him and Arsène Wenger have left him feeling a little bit sorry.
What’s that in your pocket, Chris? Mauricio Pochettino has weighed in on that tweet, arguing it was “embarrassing”. “It was a shame, because the FA is English football and Harry is a potential captain at the World Cup,” he fumed.
Claude Puel is running out of time to convince Leicester bigwigs that he is the man to lead the club into next season and beyond.
Sofiane Boufal is out in the cold at Southampton after a bust-up with Ailsa from Home and Away. “At the moment he’s training with the under-23s,” huffed Ailsa.
And Besiktas have told the Turkish FA to do one after being ordered to play the remaining 33 minutes of their cup semi-final against Fenerbahce – which was abandoned with the score at 2-2 on aggregate last week when Besiktas boss Senol Gunes was taken to hospital after being struck by a missile lobbed from the crowd – behind closed doors. “Millions saw clearly that Besiktas were the only victimised side … in order not to accept being losers, we will not show up,” huffed a club suit.
STILL WANT MORE?
Hard times at the Hawthorns, with the Baggies facing the drop and their neighbours boinging up the other way. Stuart James on West Brom’s relegation blues.
Bobby Reid was converted from a midfielder to a striker at Bristol City and hasn’t stopped scoring since. He gets his chat on with Ben Fisher here.
Who are the Premier League’s top incompetents? Tom Bryant digests the ineptitude stats, and presents them to you like so.
Ten things to look out for in the Premier League this weekend, including more pain for Arsène Wenger and chances for Palace and Huddersfield to seal survival.
The FA’s sale of Wembley, and the reaction to it, is a sign of the times during an era of cuts and debt, says proper journalism’s David Conn.
And Arsenal were too lightweight to see off Atlético, sighs Jacob Steinberg.
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