BIG CUP BABY!
There were scenes of jubilation, disappointment and indifference this morning as the world of football came to terms with the news that this team would have to play that team and not one of the other teams in a competition. In the Swiss town of Nyon, where European football’s governing body, Uefa, has its headquarters, tests for a suspected nerve agent, demanded after several visitors to the municipality displayed signs of excessive wry smiling and reflexively arched eyebrows, didn’t actually take place.
After the Big Cup draw had concluded, bookmakers responded by deciding the teams they previously thought would probably win the competition would still probably win the competition. Barcelona are the favourites to do so, having been paired with widely-scorned outsiders Roma.
Perhaps the most exciting bit of the tombola, other than the interview with Andriy Shevchenko that preceded it (which is still being parsed by code-breakers in search of actual meaning), occurred when last season’s finalists, Juventus and Real Madrid, were chosen to play each other once again. The teams have previously played in European competition 19 times, with Real taking a slender 9-8 head-to-head advantage last May. “Both games are going to be very difficult,” said Juventus legend Pavel Nedved. “But we both start the match at 0-0.”
Two of the teams surprisingly thrown together in a draw that only featured eight teams were Manchester City and Liverpool. In response to the news statisticians buried themselves in history books to find the results of other recent games between the sides, a task that didn’t take very long because they play each other all the chuffing time. “I’ve said it before and it’s still the truth, it’s always common in a draw that you’ll get your neighbour, more or less,” wibbled Liverpool boss Jürgen Klopp. Of Liverpool’s 377 European matches, two have come against other teams from the north-west of England. “We are for sure not the favourites in this round, but thank god it’s football and nothing is decided.”
A similar theme was struck by ageing Roma legend Francesco Totti. “Football is beautiful because anything can happen, especially in these types of games,” he said, referring presumably in a meaninglessly general way to the types of games that feature teams and players and goals and occur in competitions. In this more specific type of game – one between Barcelona and a team less good than Barcelona – less encouragingly for Roma, the same thing tends to happen most of the time.
JOSÈ’S HERITAGE LESSON
After the pelters he took following Manchester United’s limp Big Cup defeat by Sevilla, you might have thought José Mourinho would have sidled into his weekly press conference and gone on the attack. Nope. He went on the defensive, of course, in an epic 12-and-a-half minute rant. Here are some choice cuts:
“I could be in another country with the league in the pocket. The kind of league that you win before the league even starts. I’m not. I’m here. I am not going to run away. I am not going to disappear. I’m not going to cry because I heard a few boos.”
“In the last seven years the worst position of Manchester City in the Premier League was fourth. In the last seven years Manchester City was champions twice and if you want to say three times [meaning this season, too], and they were second twice. That’s heritage.”
“Do you know what is also heritage? Otamendi, De Bruyne, Fernandinho, Silva, Sterling, Agüero are investments from the past, not from last two years [when Guardiola took over]. Do you know how many United players left the club last season? See where they play.”
“The next Man Utd manager will find here Lukaku, Matic, of course De Gea from many years ago, they will find players with a different mentality, quality, background, with a different status, knowhow.”
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I used to be one of those players that types his name and sees what people are saying but it does get you down at times. So I thought to myself that I had to block it out because it was getting to the point where I was losing confidence going into games, thinking I was going to get slated. Now I’ve turned all my Twitter notifications off, so if I have a bad game I don’t see ‘Clucas was rubbish, get out of my club’” – Swansea’s Sam Clucas gets his chat on with Stuart James and offers some advice that @TheFiver will definitely heed next time it logs on to social media disgrace the Twitter.
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Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … A Tumbleweed.
THE RECAP
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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Arsenal have been rewarded with perhaps the most politically inconvenient Big Vase quarter-final tie possible, after being paired with CSKA Moscow. Just check your tea for glowing green lumps lads, that’s all we’re saying.
Gareth Southgate stuck his chest out, loosened his tie and responded bullishly to questions about England’s safety at the Ethics World Cup, saying “you can live in fear or you can get on with things”.
Topman has withdrawn from sale a long-sleeved T-shirt that provoked widespread disgust by appearing to mock the victims of the Hillsborough disaster. The £20 red shirt features a large number 96 and the slogan “What goes around comes back around” on the back, the word “karma” on one sleeve and a red rose on the front and back.
Antonio Conte sounded an awful lot like a coach who isn’t going to win anything this season in his weekly press conference. “The work of a coach must be judged not on victories but on the improvement of the squad and the current value of the squad,” he blathered.
And a bakery has combined the only two things people know about Wigan by creating a Will Grigg pie, ahead of their FA Cup quarter-final against Southampton. Spicy chicken, chorizo and onion, since you ask, to commemorate the “firey” nature of his performances in the competition this season.
STILL WANT MORE?
Get your Big Cup quarter-final tie-by-tie analysis here with floating football brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson.
Ailsa from Home and Away’s first match in charge of Southampton is just one of 10 things to look out for in the Premier League, FA Cup and Championship this weekend.
Brighton might just be the shrewdest buyers in the Premier League you know, writes Nick Miller.
Union Jack Wilshere weaved his magic to help keep the Arsène Wenger era alive at Arsenal, so says Paul MacInnes.
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