Craig Bellamy has opened up on the anguish he suffered after he was accused of bullying while Cardiff City academy boss.
The Bluebirds launched an investigation into its coaching protocols after claims of bullying were made against Bellamy by the parent of a former academy player.
Bellamy denied the claims and stepped down from his position as coach before moving to Anderlecht last summer.
Cardiff's probe uncovered an 'unacceptable coaching environment' and highlighted 'a number of significant concerns' to its procedures, with the club consequently vowing to implement robust changes.
Bellamy then issued a statement to apologise for any offence he inadvertently caused.
And now, he has spoken about the torment he endured the months after those accusations were lodged against him.
“Even when the bullying accusation came up, I went six months without work, and for two months I was in bed," the former Wales international told The Times.
"I couldn’t get up. I was so hurt by that. It’s not what I’m about. For someone to feel that way about me would kill me.”
Bellamy also believes his vices as a player went against him when it came to some of the media coverage around the allegations, which, as he puts, 'scared the life out of him'.
“They played on ‘this is what he was like as a player, this is what he’s like as a coach’,” he added.
"I thought I’d be under the radar, I’d be allowed to coach, I don’t have to put up with that stuff any more. That scared the life out of me. I am still not safe. People still think I’m this type of person, I can still hit the news.”
During the fallout, he was offered management roles, but claims he wasn't ready to accept that step up.
He has spoken candidly recently about his mental health struggles, revealing he has been diagnosed with depression within the last four years.
But he now loves his new job as Anderlecht's under-21s coach. "I am so content at the moment here," he added.
He appears to have escaped the magnifying glass of the press on these shores and is enjoying being able to go relatively unnoticed over in Belgium.
He even plays for a vets team every week over there.
"I could never do that back home," he said. "I’d get f***ing smashed, someone wanting to make a name for himself. Here it’s the opposite. They are so happy you are playing. No one really knows me. It’s completely fresh.
“But I have to keep on top of my mental health. I have to be careful on my days off not to lie in bed all day. If I’m in a mood, and down, all it takes is a trivial thing and that can put me into a little spiral. If something’s not been done right, you’re getting it.”
The last 18 months have been far from plain sailing for Bellamy, and of course those affected by the unacceptable environment he coached within at Cardiff City, but he appears to be taking some small, progressive steps.
He has teamed up with his former Manchester City team-mate Vincent Kompany, who is the team's player-manager and is assisted by former Wales international Simon Davies.
And Bellamy waxes lyrical about Kompany, claiming that if he ever did venture into management, he would need his friend alongside him in some capacity.
"If I ever went into management, I’d need him as director of football," he added. "The thing with Vinny he knows me so well he’s aware of it. He calms everything down.
"There have been a couple of times I have been in a rut. I am fully aware of it now, and that allows me to be fine with it, to ride this little period.”
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