Mental health campaigner and former Hollyoaks star Joe Tracini opened up about his borderline personality disorder during an appearance on Lorraine on Thursday.
The actor, who played Dennis Savage in Channel 4 soap Hollyoaks, has been admirably open about his mental health struggles, which have led him to addiction and suicidal thoughts.
Joe explained his condition in the ITV studio as he said talking about it is a way for him to alleviate his darker mindset.
Sitting across from Joe, host Lorraine Kelly said: “The thing is Joe, you’re intelligent, talented, you’re hugely funny. You’re all of these things. You’re delightful, but you’re having none of that.”
Joe replied: “The weird thing is that when you say those nice things, I don’t believe that, but I do know you mean them.”
He explained: “I am the only person that doesn’t like me in my life, in my circle of people. I try and take it on board when they tell me they don't hate me, because I know as soon as I leave a chat my brain is going to go, they hate you, they’re not fans.
“I’ve started trying to teach myself and have a bit of time off when somebody tells me nice stuff. Because I know, as soon as I go home, I'm going to think you hate me, but I know you don’t.”
Lorraine adamantly replied: “You know I don’t, you absolutely do, but I know what you’re saying.”
Joe explained the experience of living with his diagnosis, which he also describes in his book Ten Things I Hate About Me, and said he’s given the negative voice in his head the name Mick.
I said: “I’ve only got one set of thoughts and they’re all mine, but what I worked out a couple of years ago is the fact that 10 percent of me is normal, quite boring and enjoys my company, but 90 percent of me can’t stand me.
“I realised that if I was able to separate all the thoughts I have that are horrible that I might have a chance of not picking when I die.”
Following a period of addiction to come with his mental illness, Joe said he now takes solace in frankly discussing his diagnosis and how he feels.
He told Lorraine: “I can only ever kill myself if I’m on my own and a lot of the time I am on my own.
“That’s something I’ve always struggled with, because the vast majority of mental health assistance is ‘you’re not alone’ – but I am alone a lot.
“So I’ve always struggled with that time. The longer I can wait between each awful thought, the better I will be in the end.”
