You already know what time it is. Time for a slapdash ranking of all the various nicknames on display at UFC 237, as taken from UFC.com, Tapology and Wikipedia.
20. (tie) Diego Ferreira: ???
Thiago Moises: ???
Kurt Holobaugh: ???
Warlley Alves: ???
Raoni Barcelos: ???
Talita Bernardo: ???
Viviane Araujo: ???
No known nicknames for this bunch. Personally, I think Kurt “Hollaback” Holobaugh has real potential, but I guess it’s not my decision to make.
19. Bethe Correia: Pitbull
It just wouldn’t be an MMA event in Brazil if there weren’t multiple “Pitbulls” on the card, right? There are other breeds of dogs, you know. Probably even some that would make for a more fitting nickname here.
18. Ryan Spann: Superman
17. Alexander Volkanovski: The Great
The problem with a nickname like this is that unless you unite the warring city-states of Greece and topple the Persian empire, then you’ll never be more than the second most famous person to use it. Also, I’m just saying, “And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” was right there, just waiting to be claimed.
16. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira: Minotouro
I still think there ought to be a law forbidding twin brothers from having almost identical names, as well as identical nicknames. Just, come on, you guys. Throw us a bone.
15. Jose Aldo: Junior
14. Thiago Alves: Pitbull
Normally, this would get you a free pass to the bottom of these rankings. But fortunately for Alves, he’s one of the OGs of this nickname. Plus he actually kind of looks like a pitbull, so that helps.
13. Laureano Starapoli: Pepi
12. Sergio Moraes: The Panther
Sleek. Furtive. Scary. Maybe not terribly imaginative, but not bad either.
11. Irene Aldana: Robles
10. B.J. Penn: The Prodigy
This nickname has gone from fitting to iconic to sadly ironic. But honestly, maybe it still works. Prodigies are known for blooming fast and early, but not necessarily for easing gracefully into old age with a realistic awareness of what they can still do.
9. Luana Carolina: Dread
Name another hairstyle that is also a feeling. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
8. Jared Cannonier: The Killa Gorilla
As silly as it is, something about this nickname has grown on me. Maybe it’s that no one else in the UFC has a nickname that makes me immediately picture a creature that must be put down before it inflicts any more carnage.
7. Priscila Cachoeira: Pedrita
This one translates to “Pebbles.” As in, the character from “The Flintstones.” Here, let Cachoeira explain: “I was given that nickname when I was in my first muay Thai team – Nael Pedra (Pedra is stone in Portuguese). Pebbles in the cartoon was always scrappy. So, my nickname came from the cartoon and from the name of my team.”
6. Carlos Huachin: El Perro Malo
Online translations have this one as “The Bad Dog.” That conjures images of a golden retriever standing in the middle of chewed shoes and ruined throw pillows. Which is obviously hilarious and adorable, so I love it.
5. Clay Guida: The Carpenter
He was actually a carpenter, so it works on that level. It also seems like it might just be a casual way of referring to Jesus, whose traditional depiction Guida does sort of resemble. It’s simple and straightforward – and there aren’t a ton of other people using the nickname. Plus it helps us figure out which UFC fighter we might want to turn to when we need to build a new deck out back.
4. Francisco Trinaldo: Massaranduba
In addition to sounding like a strange musical instrument, this nickname also plays on one of the favorite Brazilian nickname tropes – comparing people to TV characters. According to MMA Junkie’s own Fernanda Prates, Massaranduba was a muscle man akin to Hanz and Franz from “Saturday Night Live.” And when you look at Trinaldo’s physique, I think you can see where that’s coming from.
3. Jessica Andrade: Bate Estacia
“Pile driver” is the English translation. The story is that she performed that highly illegal move in a jiu-jitsu tournament, which earned her both a disqualification and a rad nickname. Worth it? I think so.
2. Anderson Silva: The Spider
Did you hear that the oldest known spider died last year? Yep, it was in Western Australia, a trapdoor tarantula that scientists were studying. Didn’t die of old age, either. Instead it was killed by a wasp sting at the age of 43. Silva turned 44 last month, by the way. And while we keep waiting for him to finally be done, he keeps reminding us that he could still, at any moment, spring out and claim one more victim.
1. Rose Namajunas: Thug
I don’t care who you are or what you believe in, you must admit that “Thug Rose” is an awesome nickname that only gets more so when you see her on “Embedded” gardening and playing the piano. The juxtaposition is great, similar to the contrast between beating people up for a living but also being worried that your mom will find out you put a drink down on the piano.
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