Time again for the most important pre-fight analysis of any UFC card. How do the nicknames at UFC 236 stack up? We consult UFC.com, Tapology, Sherdog, and Wikipedia to find out.
22. (tie) Kelvin Gastelum: ???
Ovince Saint-Preux: ???
Wilson Reis: ???
Zelim Imadaev: ???
Poliana Botelho: ???
No official nicknames for this bunch, even if we all know that Ovince Saint-Preux is also “OSP” (yeah you know me) and Kelvin Gastelum is “K-19 The Widowmaker” (OK, I just made that up, but I think it’s not bad).
21. Khalid Taha: The Warrior
The UFC website lists his hometown as Warendorf, Germany. Seems to me like the perfect opportunity to go by “The Warendorf Warrior.” But no, it’s fine. Why would you want a nickname that makes you stand out in any possible way?
20. Brandon Davis: Killer B
19. Randy Costa: The Zohan
The worst movie I’ve ever seen in the movie theater is undoubtedly Adam Sandler’s “You Don’t Mess With The Zohan.” I know what you’re thinking. What was I even expecting, right? But it was a murderously hot Saturday and my apartment didn’t have air conditioning and I would have done anything to just get out of the heat for a couple hours. So I went to a movie – any movie. And still I walked out before the ending. I chose to return to the furnace of a hot summer’s day rather than sit through one more minute of a movie I had paid to see. It’s that awful. Thanks for reminding me of it, Randy Costa.
18. Alexandre Pantoja: The Cannibal
17. Belal Muhammad: Remember the Name
So the purpose of your nickname is to instruct us to remember your actual name? It’s like receiving a letter from someone and when you open it up it’s just their return address reprinted a second time, only now on the inside of the envelope. We already know that part. This is supposed to be the part where you tell us something interesting. You know, ideally.
16. Montel Jackson: Quik
15. Dwight Grant: The Body Snatcher
Definitely a nickname you can give your create-a-fighter character on basically any boxing or MMA video game. Up next you’ll need to choose between Mos Def or K’naan for your entrance music, then apply some facial hair and tattoos and you’ll be good to go.
14. Max Griffin: Pain
13. Boston Salmon: Boom Boom
Do you really even need a nickname when your actual given name is Boston Salmon, which sounds like a weird delicacy? And if you are going to add a nickname to that, shouldn’t that nickname in some way acknowledge if not actively work in concert with the fact that your real name sounds like a localized fish? I say yes, absolutely.
12. Jalen Turner: The Tarantula
While visibly unsettling, the tarantula is really not that dangerous a spider to humans. I mean, yeah, it’s bite might hurt a lot, but it’s probably not going to kill you. Is that what he’s going for here? I look scary but I’m really not so bad? Maybe it’s a test to see which of his opponents have done the research and know not to be afraid…
11. Matt Frevola: The Steamrolla
Frevola has said in interviews that the nickname was given to him by his late uncle, who apparently had a thing for the rhyming nickname. But Frevola is not that easy a name to rhyme stuff with, so they had to get creative. The result is, well, it’s this.
10. Khalil Rountree: The War Horse
It’s not a bad nickname, but it brings to mind a truly awful movie that somehow got nominated for a bunch of Academy Awards. If not for that movie – in which, come on, this almost mythically heroic horse is named Joey, for crying out loud – I’d be totally into this. A horse of war? Yeah, that works. But then I think about the hamfisted messages of that movie and it wrecks the effect.
9. Eryk Anders: Ya Boi
I want to hate this nickname. I really do. Everything about it, from the idea to the spelling, is awful. But it’s so bad that it might actually be good. At the very least, it’s fun. I find myself looking for opportunities to say it. That … that’s something, I guess.
8. Alan Jouban: Brahma
7. Max Holloway: Blessed
If Greek myths are any guide, it’s tough to beat someone who is favored by god(s) – but not impossible. You might have to cozy up to other gods, maybe even enlist the help of a minor nymph or two, perhaps see what’s up with various wood sprites. Build a coalition, is what I’m saying. Otherwise you’ll get crushed by Holloway and his army of angels.
6. Nikita Krylov: The Miner
Word is that Krylov switched from being “Al Capone” to being “The Miner” in order to honor his family heritage in the Donbass region of Ukraine, where coal mining is the going concern. And, honestly, if your story is that fighting is your way out of the mines, that’s a familiar tale in the fight game. It’s one fans can latch onto. Just makes you wish Reebok would make a hard hat or something to give his entrances some extra flair.
5. Andre Soukhamthath: The Asian Sensation
4. Curtis Millender: Curtious
With all these snarling pitbulls and fearsome warriors running around, I am totally into a nickname that tells us how polite someone is. And if he rearranges the spelling to make it fit with his actual name, even better.
3. Lauren Mueller: Princess Tiger
It sounds like a cartoon character and I love it.
2. Dustin Poirier: The Diamond
This one has really grown on me over time. You don’t see a whole lot of other fighters claiming solid carbon as their nickname, plus it comes with an emoji. And really, you hear “The Diamond” now and you think of Poirier. He has made it his own, and that’s half the work right there.
1. Israel Adesanya: The Last Stylebender
Still awesome. Still accurate. Still No. 1.
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